It's been sometime now since we've last talked, but you still cross my mind all the time. Sometimes I wonder what you are up to, how you have been doing, what your future plans are, and things like that.
Other times I wonder if you ever think of me, if you are sorry for how you treated me, or if you even care.
I try not to let you consume my thoughts, but it's hard not to when there were so many things left unsaid and so many questions that were never answered. Things I still wonder to this day.
I begged and begged you to be honest with me and to let me know what your intentions were, but I guess that was asking too much.
Before you, I never knew what it felt like to be abandoned. After you, I am too scared to get close to anybody I meet because I can't bear the thought of them leaving me the way you did. I barely ever put myself out there now and I close myself off anytime I think I start to like someone.
You caused me a lot of pain and hurt, and the saddest part is I don't even think you are aware of how shitty you were. To be treated with such disrespect and ignored by someone that you love with your whole heart is a different type of hurt. All I ever wanted was answers.
Although I still get sad sometimes, it's not because I miss you anymore. I get sad because of how I let you treat me, and for how long. I get sad for the girl I was then, and for how much better she deserved. I was so broken and you kept breaking me over and over again.
Eventually, I just gave up, which was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Because despite everything I really did still love you, and I have no idea why. I was in a constant battle with my heart and my head and I didn't know what to do anymore, and it was devastating to me.
As the days went by, it got easier and I thought about you less. I started to love myself more and work on becoming a better me. I now know that I deserve the best and I will never settle for anything less. I still have so much to work on, but I think I've come a long way.
I hope you are doing well in your life and accomplishing everything you wanted to. Thank you for showing me what I absolutely don't deserve, and for helping to shape me into the strong and independent woman I am today. I will never put up with a man like you ever again.
