I hate watching people go through pain. I will do anything to keep the person distracted, be there when they need a hug or anything that person needs. As I watch my roommate go through the pain of a breakup, the same pain I went through three years ago, I wanted to give her all of my knowledge of it. I found myself sitting on our kitchen counter, telling her the best advice I found out on my own.

It is okay to not be okay

It doesn’t matter who broke up with who. You are allowed to hurt. It is a natural feeling to have. The person you are used to having every day isn’t there anymore. Don’t play it off like everything is okay when it is not. Let people comfort you when you want them to or spend time alone. Whichever it is, express your feelings. It is better to let it all out than to keep it in.

Take time to get to know yourself

In some relationships, you lose yourself. You try to bring back that person who you once were. Leave that person in the past. This is your moment to start over. Breathe. Figure out what you want from life. What makes you laugh so hard that you cry? What is your favorite hobby? Figure it out what makes you happy and stick with it.

Move on when you are ready

There will be people out there who will try to push you to go out and met new people. Want to know the shocking thing? You don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Take your time. When you decide to move on, it would be worth it.

Everybody handles a breakup differently. You can be broken, crying and wanting some kind of answer. Or you could be happy to let the toxic relationship go. Whatever way you feel, it is okay. You are an amazing human being. You will get through this. To quote the brilliant Christina Yang, “He is very dreamy but, he is not the Sun. You are.”