"Oh you have dyslexia, so you see letters backward?"
While I don't talk about it much or wear it like crown for everyone to see, when the conversation does come up about my being dyslexic, that is often the response i get. And the answer to that question is yes, and no. Yes, I mix up my letters on a regular basis, but that is not all dyslexia is. It's also difficulty (physically) writing, trouble with perceiving small letters and certain fonts, anything math related, compulsive organization, short-temperament, even things as simple as struggling to read a clock with hands. All these things I deal with on a regular basis.
For those of you that do not know, dyslexia is a learning disability characterized by difficulty learning and interpreting letters, words and other symbols associated with language. Dyslexia can be seen on a spectrum; there are mild cases all the way to more severe cases. I am one of the more severe cases. While it defines reading, spelling, math abilities and even personality, itdoes not affect intelligence - one of the biggest myths associated with learning disabilities like dyslexia.
Imagine looking at a piece text and the words start to spread apart and overlap and letters fade, flip and switch. Now, imagine trying to read and interpret that. It's not so easy.
I was 7 years old and could barely read, wouldn't even try to do the basic math that was taught in first grade, and was labeled as a rebellious and uncooperative student. So, of course, the school psychologists were all over my 'case' and I was tested for any and everything. When it came down to it, my parents were told my situation had bad news and good news.
The bad news, I was highly dyslexic -- to the point where they questioned my ability to succeed in school, at least at the normal pace. The good news, I had an IQ in the
rage of above superior or the top 99th percentile, as well as a high perception and superior reasoning scores. So basically, what I had was a great, and at the same time awful paradoxical-like 'gift' of being statistically 'smart' and having strong abilities, but not being about to show it, at least academically.So throughout grade school, I was given amazing resources in an attempt to stay at grade level academically. But it was a lot for a young girl to take on. I often rebelled because I felt stupid having my tests and quizzes read to me, or being in a lower level math than the rest of my grade, and being taken out of class constantly for evaluations. And often I didn't understand the 'struggles' I was so called 'dealing with,' because I had been 'dealing' with them my entire life. I didn't know reading, spelling or math any other way.
As difficult as it was to do school-related things or keep up, and the many times I was embarrassed or looked past because I was slower, my 'struggles' were what I considered normal. So being so young and naive, I didn't understand why I was treated so differently.
It something that still bothers me to this day, especially now that I know things like reading a clock and seeing letters is easy for people, in fact it comes naturally to them. So it is tough when something so practical comes naturally to people, but it is something I can't seem to do correctly, or at the same pace. Take counting money. While everyone is vulnerable to human error and makes their mistakes here and there, I can never, for the life of me, seem to do it. I either unknowing skip a bill, or number, or I switch up numbers... It is a disaster.
So, as you can see, It effects my everyday life, likewise, abilities. I have definitely put up walls, and put more effort into certain things - I never want to come across as slow or illiterate, especially when it comes to academics and even workplace.
While it sometimes feels as toxic as one, dyslexia is not a virus; it isn't something you can cure. Sure, you learn how to live with it and mechanism to deal with it, but it is something that is always there. A lot of the time it makes me want to rip my hair out. But I can thank it for making me an extremelyorganized person and giving me the ability to think broadly and holistically - yeah those are 'gifts' of dyslexia. And look at me now, I'm in college - sure it's harder than ever, but I am damn proud of myself. I love to read and write, now that it isn't about being at grade level or reading at certain speed or memorizing spelling words. My life with Dyslexia has not been easy, but I wouldn't change it. As cheesy as it sounds, it has shaped me, humbled me and made me stronger and I'm grateful for it.
