Oh I didn't see you there. Hello, my name is Lucas. Stop staring at my legs and listen up. I am here to give you some motivation on why you should work harder to shed some pounds, chisel your body, and impress everyone on spring break.
Yes, I used to be weak sauce softy like many of you reading this article, but then I turned 15 and realized I need to get my life in order and my body bulging. It took me five years but I finally figured out the key to getting into the gym to work on my spring break looks: MOTIVATION. So why should you go to the gym this winter?
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Release Your Emotions in a Healthy Way
Sometimes in life, things make you mad. For instance, I asked a girl out on a date one time and she blew me off. I got mad. So I would go to the gym and lift. When I was first starting, sometimes I would look at myself in the mirror and say, "Wow, I look terrible," just to make myself angry. Then I would go to the gym and lift. When my teacher assigned an eight page paper to do, I would get mad. So I would go to the gym and lift (instead of doing the paper). When my cat runs away, I get angry so I go the gym and lift. Lifting helps anger. Lift is life.
People Watching
One of America's greatest pastimes is people watching. It most commonly happens in places like Walmart and Alabama, especially WalMarts in Alabama, however this tactic can be very helpful when trying to find a reason to hit the weights. Everybody who's anybody at the gym loves to see those "treadmill dancers" jamming out to Aerosmith as they do their measly intervals. Try getting a kick at the always awkward encounters with the naked old guy in the showers. If your lucky, it will be your 75-year-old geology professor. These things are funny to me and should be to you as well. Let it fuel you to not be a weak sauce softy.
Listening to Kick-Butt Music
Finding a good playlist is essential to motivating you and your body for a solid lift session. Each person has their own taste, but one thing is clear to me. Listening to soundtracks of musicals, like "Wicked" or "Grease," is a mega no-no in my books. These are commonly listened to by the softies in the gym. If you ask me, I say listening to hood beats and death metal screaming music is essential. If you are like me, I only listen to this music on days that I'm trying to make gains, so everyday. I listen three hours before to prepare my body, during to ignite my body, and three hours after to fuel my body for the next day. Playlists need to prepare, ignite, and fuel. "Where the Hood At" by DMX is a good starting point.
Look for that Hottie
Find a looker in the gym your first time. If they look in shape, use it to your advantage to match their fitness level. You might see them on the elliptical machine as you walk in. Well, make sure one of your middle workouts is on a machine where you can make eye contact with that person as if to say, "Yeah, I lift. You like what you see?" You want it to be middle of the workout so you have a nice pump running through those twigs you call arms but you won't be too worn out to not lift that weak sauce 15 pounds. Follow through and show up consistently after that though, because if you don't, that honey won't give you the time of day. So always make eye contact.
To Took Good
We aren't talking the finished product here. We are talking looking good as you workout. Half the battle of being fit, is looking good while you are getting fit. Look at sub par NFL teams, like the Raiders. They have cool uniforms so they haven't been kicked out of the league, but they are terrible at football. Same goes for you. You can be the biggest weak sauce pipsqueak in the gym but if you have 200 lbs. loaded on to a bench press and can lift it enough to set it back down on the bar, people will hear that clink, and they will look. Trust me, they will. And when they do, you sit up, grab your water, and take a sip while you stare at all the softies around striking fear into one's soul. Screaming and grunting is essential as well during things like leg presses and curls. "Wow, that guy is one swole punk," they will say.
So I hoped these helped all of you reading this to get off the couch and maybe do something about the couch potato sack of a self you have built through the years. SPRING BREAK BODS ARE BUILT IN THE WINTER PEOPLE! THE WINTER! Go out and get swole.
