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Adulting

The Reality of a Working Mother

And the guilt that comes with it.

Katy Messina

Oct 26, 2020

National Storytellers Society

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Being a parents isn't easy. In society it is normal to see the dad working and the mom staying home with the kids. It's portrayed this way in literature, television, and movies. I'm not saying it is this way for everyone, because it's not. However, it is definitely the majority of what we see. When you deviate from that majority you are open to a new set of struggles. Not harder, not easier, but different.

There are never enough hours in a day

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs from Pexels

I feel like I am going from sun up to sun down every day. My day starts at 5 am and ends around 10 pm. In that time there are lessons to upload, homework to do, lunches to pack, and if I'm lucky some time to spend with my husband. The weekends always go by too quickly. I love my job, but working full time and being a parent is like working two full time jobs.

Self Care Isn't Selfish

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs from Pexels

The mom guilt is real. You see it everyday. Viral posts on Facebook telling you that the real mothers are those without their hair and nails done. Other moms shaming you for having the audacity to go out without your children when you already work away from them 40 hours a week. Girl, take care of yourself. You can't give to others without giving to yourself first. Eventually, there's no more to give. Even with a supportive partner, having children is rough. My personal version of self care is hiring a housekeeper to come biweekly. Wash your face, get your hair done, get a manicure or pedicure, take a long bubble bath. Do something to take care of you.

There aren't many Mommy and Me events

Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva from Pexels

We live on an Army post. The MWR does several events for toddlers and younger children and they are all almost exclusively during the day. It can feel very isolated when you're at work during these events and they don't have them for after work. I feel like my kids are missing out because I've chosen to have a career, which isn't true, but it feels that way a lot of the time.

Sometimes my class gets the best of me.

Photo by ICSA from Pexels

There are some days when I feel like my students get the best of my patience, my humor, and my energy. Then, there isn't much left for my own children. It's days like this when I feel like because I have a career that I am failing as a parent. I have an awesome support system who have to constantly remind me that I'm not. I find myself saying, "I'll do better tomorrow," A LOT. In order to combat this I make scheduling quality time a priority. We have movie nights on Friday. Family fun days. I try to make sure I physically connect with each child at least a few times a day. I make it a priority to listen to them even when it's the last thing I want to do. (My eight year old can talk, a lot.) Even when I feel like I have nothing left to give, I try to make them a priority.

Family is the most important thing

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I work in order to provide a good life for my children. I work so my husband doesn't carry the burden of caring for us financially alone. I work because I love what I do. This doesn't make me a bad mother. Staying home with your children doesn't make you a bad mother. My family is one of the most important things in the world to me. My family just doesn't stop at my husband and children. It extends to my students and coworkers as well. It boils down to the mom shaming has to stop. Let's give options to all parents. Stay at home moms. Working moms. Stay at home dads. Families are not a one size fits all.

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The Reality of a Working Mother

And the guilt that comes with it.

There are never enough hours in a day

Self Care Isn't Selfish

There aren't many Mommy and Me events

Sometimes my class gets the best of me.

Family is the most important thing

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May the odds be ever in your favor.

Phase One: The “I got this” phase

Phase Two: The “I have time” phase

Phase Three: The uncontrollable sobbing phase

Phase Four: The “help me, I've fallen and I can't get up” phase

Phase Five: The rejoicing phase

10 ways to prepare for finals week—beginning with getting to the library.

Who knows where we would be without them.

1. Thank you for laughing at my jokes, even when they really aren’t funny.

2. Thank you for singing unbearably loud with me all the time.

3. Thank you for letting me vent to you for hours about anything and basically being my personal therapist.

4. Thank you for ordering pizza with me at 2 in the morning.

5. Thank you for all the movie days when we don’t feel like moving.

6. Thank you for being my workout buddy everyday.

7. Thank you for sharing your closets with me.

8. Thank you for taking naps with me at random hours during the day.

9. Thank you for cleaning our home with me when we absolutely need to.

10. Thank you for all the rides when it’s late and you don’t want me to walk home alone in the dark.

11. Thank you for studying with me in our kitchen when we didn't want to go the library.

12. Thank you for making dinner with me.

13. Thank you for helping with my hair, makeup and outfit every time we go out.

14. Thank you for taking countless ugly pictures with me.

15. Thank you for not judging me when I go too long without showering.

16. Thank you for making our apartment feel like a second home.

17. Thank you for being there through all of our boy troubles.

18. Thank you for giving me a hug when I feel homesick.

19. Thank you for getting excited with me when one of us gets a good grade on an exam.

20. Thank you for still being my friend and not judging me when I say or do dumb things.

21. Thank you for telling me what I should do when I am sick.

22. Thank you for dancing horribly with me everywhere we go.

23. Thank you for staying up super late with me when we aren’t tired or can’t sleep.

24. Thank you for being super weird with me.

25. Thank you for all the unforgettable college memories.

26. And most of all, thank you for being the best friends a girl could have.

I may or may not be stressing right now.

1. "What do I have to study for?"

2. "What class do I need to study for the most?"

3. "I’m going to ace this."

4. "Focus!"

5."I have no idea what I'm reading."

6. "I should call my smart friend about this."

7. "I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail."

8. "I’m dropping out of school."

9. "What grade do I have to get on the final to pass the class?"

10. "Oh, no, I have to do good."

11. "I shouldn’t have procrastinated all semester."

12. "I wanna go to bed."

13. "We did not learn this!"

14. "I should go get food."

15. "Why do we even have finals?"

16. "I don’t want to be at the library."

17. "Get off your phone."

18. "I can watch Netflix for like 20 minutes and then go back to studying."

19. "I shouldn’t have watched Netflix."

20. "You have to study now!"

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

Remember you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine. — Snow White

The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. — Rafiki

You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring. — Lumière

If watching is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya. — Laverne

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one. — Grandmother Willow

Always let your conscience be your guide. — Jiminy Cricket

To infinity and beyond. — Buzz Lightyear

Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved. — Pooh

Let it go. — Elsa

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all. — Thumper

Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories. — Genie

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