Many people on New Year's Eve make resolutions that they believe they can accomplish during the year. Unfortunately for most, this is an epic fail at completing. I've compiled a list of the top 30 New Years resolutions that are so weird and could possibly happen.
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1. Be less perfect.
2. Catch up on my resolutions from previous years.
3. Stop blaming others like the dog or cat whenever I fart.
4. Stop saying "ohh that feels nice" whenever the security guy frisks me at the airport.
5. I will not bore my boss with the same excuses for leaving early.
6. I will stick to these resolutions for more than one week.
7. I will finish a chap stick.
8. Don't tell my friends the same story every time we get together.
9. Save water, shower together.
10. I will not press the snooze button on my iPhone.
11. Watch less pornography and get laid.
12. Take down the Presidency.
13. Not buy anything on Amazon for an entire year.
14. Raise a successful batch of sea monkeys.
15. Sleep more because we all need it.
16. Reduce procrastination levels.
17. Stop fantasizing about your best friends boyfriend/girlfriend or brother or sister.
18. Actually lose weight this year and keep it off.
19. Decrease online usage by not going on to social media outlets as often.
20. Make a list every December 31st of predictions about the future in ten years.
21. This year will be just like last time -- don't die. So far so good.
22. I resolve to not come home so drunk as to think that my car alarm remote will magically open my apartment front door.
23. Stop asking Siri dumb questions.
24. Come up with stronger Wifi passwords.
25. My New Years resolution? Option A- lose weight. Option B- buy bigger jeans.
26. Have a fat bank account and thin body. Let's hope God doesn't mess this up.
27. Every time a telemarketer calls I will give my phone to my young son and say it is Santa.
28. Let's not make any New Year's resolutions. It is just something that goes in one year and out the next.
29. Go on less dates with men who disrespect my body.
30. Stop walking into objects while looking at or on my smartphone.
