Most individuals spend their days around other people. Whether that be at work, at school, at home, or at a social gathering; people are everywhere. Where there are people, there are conversations to be had. Oftentimes those conversations are started with "Hi, how are you?"
Hold the boat; that second part, the "how are you," continue reading if you have ever answered "good" to this question and that was all you answered.
Oh yay, you kept reading! Well, if I wasn't the person to have written this article, I would've kept reading too. I have given the answer "good" multiple times to this question. What my question is, is what is the point of asking this question if the only answer you will ever receive will be "good?"
Whenever I ask someone how they are doing, I expect them to respond with how they are doing. I have noticed that, especially in people my age, that we simply do not care enough about the people in our lives to keep them informed. Shouldn't we? I mean these are the people who have helped shape us into who we are. If you know any other people besides your immediate family and closest friends that you still talk to or hang out with, you should care.
We are social beings, this meaning that we thrive off of social interaction with other humans. I just don't understand how "social beings" can walk around and "converse" with one another when it only consists of, practically, a hello and goodbye. You aren't building the relationship you have (or had) with that person if you aren't genuinely caring about the conversation being had. It's no wonder that people say they feel lonely or left out, we aren't trying.
Now I can't say I am high and mighty and that I do not talk to people like this because then I would be lying (no one likes a liar). It wasn't until I came to college, and I realized I was completely alone, that I needed to start building myself up and giving myself the confidence to build relationships. When you're a freshman and you know absolutely no one, that is terrifying. Yet, I succeeded. While I did have the help of the organizations I am involved with, in classes I was social. I made an extra effort to sit by people I didn't know. You can make the best study groups that way (S/O to Com 111 with Jodi)!
Sadly this occurs to people even outside of college like if you take on a new job in a city you've never been to. Making friends is difficult; you have to put yourself out there and be willing to build friendships. If all you are going to do when you go out into the world is say, "Hi, how are you" to every person you see; you're not going anywhere. You are digging a lonely, sad hole for yourself. I don't want to see you do that to yourself (nobody does).
Here's how you can fix it:
Be genuine and listen.
When you are trying to meet people for the first time or you are rekindling an old friendship, listen to what is being said by the other person. You may be surprised as to how much individuals take notice of the fact that another person is listening to them.
Another helpful tip — while you are listening to someone speak to you, put yourself in their shoes. If you are able to place yourself into their situation and feel how they may be feeling, it makes relating to that person a whole lot easier. While being in your own little world that is all about you is nice, try taking a break and see what other people may be experiencing.
Here's an example:
Sally is talking to Mark. While waiting for the bus to come to their bus stop, Mark is telling Sally about his day at work after she started the conversation with him. Mark is rattling on and on about how the one printer in his office got jammed because he didn't know how to refill the paper. Sally doesn't work in an office, she works at the YMCA across the street as a lifeguard. She can't exactly relate to how he is feeling or how his day might have gone, but she tries to imagine herself in Mark's situation. Once Sally does this, the conversation turns back to Sally and she gives Mark a little confidence boost. Mark immediately realizes that his day could have been so much worse and that this is just a minor bump in the road that he can overcome. Thanks to Sally, Mark is feeling much better about his day as to how he felt before Sally started talking to him.
Again, Mark and Sally know nothing about each other. I would continue on, but then it could turn into a romance novel. I know the male readers of this article could probably care less about that.
My point in sharing this little example is to show how much a little bit of caring and listening can go when it comes to conversing with other people; whether you know them or not.
Never be afraid to step out of your boundaries and try something new. Start with something small and then see how much you may grow and change as you continue on. While also noticing the changes within yourself, notice the changes you are propelling onto those around you. Listening and caring about those around you can truly change the way you look at your everyday life. It's something small, so start.