When I was younger, I used to have problems in the field of dating (and by younger, I mean until very recent). I would peruse whatever website and book I could find, and no matter the source, I somehow found that one solution seemed to be this:
This advice however, is as useful as it is completely useless. Like telling someone that their solution to a broken car is to fix a car, be more confident is among the most vague of suggestions I've seen so widely promoted.
So, how does one become so confident?
Here are a few tips that might help you out.
1. Internal Before External
A lot of times, I hear advice for less than confident individuals to do things that improve their outward appearance/physical traits in order to appear more confident. While not necessarily a bad thing, I wouldn't suggest you start with this. By connecting your outward self to the way you find others view you and you view yourself, an idea begins to form that your worth is only determined by how attractive or wealthy you are. This sounds kinda true until you start to wonder how there are attractive people on dating shows/sites, while those with less in the looks departments can have happy and and successful social lives and relationships.
The reason is, those that focus so much on external things often become obsessed, thinking that all of their problems are from not being [insert attribute here] enough, or fall into apathy of seeing others as only focused those things. The results of this tend to lead to someone being cynical/bitter or arrogant as a form of overcompensation, which only lead to them being less and less attractive to others.
2. Deal With Your B.S.
Chances are, there's some issues deep down that keep you from reaching your true potential. Things like traumatic events, family/relationship/social issues, and mental illness can definitely create conflict for someone trying to better themselves, so you're gonna have to dig deep. As a man, I have found "Backbone: The Modern Man's Ultimate Guide to Purpose, Passion, and Power" by David H. Wagner, and it's exercises to be extremely helpful and definitely suggest it.
Another suggestion (especially in the cases of more severe issues) is to find a good therapist. While it's really good to handle life on your own, some issues and mindsets simply are too much for some individuals to deal with. If you find you have been going through problems for a long time (and have gone through the book above), it might not be a bad idea to make an appointment.
3. Be Yourself, But Wisely
No matter who you become in life, some people will hate you. This is an undeniable truth, and sad as though it may seem, it holds useful wisdom: those that try to please everyone except themselves please no one, including themselves.
Look at what you truly enjoy in life, find your purpose, and take a stand on some things that really matter. Also, have a sense of humor about yourself and others, for nothing is more insecure than someone who can't joke around.
At the same time, recognize that everything you do has consequences. You can be the most confident person in the world, but by having no goals in life and holding the hygiene of a dung beetle, chances are your still gonna have some difficulties around others. Be unique and don't care too much about what others thing, but recognize that spitting all social norms isn't very confident either.
4. Don't Be Afraid To Improve
Once you do become more comfortable in your own skin, recognize that there's nothing wrong with being a better you, so long as you do it for yourself. Work at being healthier, update your style, or work on mastering that skill or hobby you've been interested in. So long as it's for reasons other than putting a smile on other's faces, it's always better to be a flowing river than a stagnant puddle.
