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The All Too Real Realities Of College, As Told By Amy Schumer

Lauren O'Connell

Oct 14, 2015

Baylor University

The All Too Real Realities Of College, As Told By Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer rocks and if you don't agree, that's fine, and I understand. But just know that you're wrong.

Trying to suck up to all of your new professors

Trying to juggle your homework and social life while still keeping a rockin' bod

Realizing 'Ring by Spring' is just as unrealistic as it was last year

Registering for easy classes just to bump up your GPA

When you see your exam grade

When someone in your group project doesn't contribute

When your friends are all dressed and ready to go out and ask you to come last minute

Changing out of your pajamas because you want to go out with your friends.... and hating every moment of it

Giving yourself a pep talk when that guy you met last night doesn't text you back....

Having to speed walk across campus to try and get to class on time.

Explaining to your mother how great your eating habits have been since you left home...

When your professors all schedule tests in the same week....

Posting snap chat stories to prove to your friends at home that college is AWESOME!!

Not being able to conceal your pride for your football team...

Realizing that you're in college. Which is just cool.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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When the clock strikes twelve midnight on New Year's Eve, do you ever find yourself lost regarding what to do during that big moment? It's a very important moment. It is the first moment of the New Year, doesn't it seem like you should be doing something grand, something meaningful, something spontaneous? Sure, many decide to spend the moment on the lips of another, but what good is that? Take a look at these other suggestions on how to ring in the New Year that are much more spectacular and exciting than a simple little kiss.

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1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

Let's face it, last semester you woke up with enough time to brush your teeth and get to class and even then you were about 10 minutes late and rollin' in with some pretty unfortunate bed head. This semester we will set our alarms, wake up with time to get ready, and get to class on time!

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And so it begins.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

Camping out at the library is not for the faint of heart. You need to go in as a warrior. You usually have brought supplies (laptop, chargers, and textbooks) and sustenance (water, snacks, and blanket/sweatpants) since the battle will be for an undetermined length of time. Perhaps it is one assignment or perhaps it's four. You are motivated and prepared; you don’t doubt the assignment(s) will take time, but you know it couldn’t be that long.

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The All Too Real Realities Of College, As Told By Amy Schumer

Trying to suck up to all of your new professors

Trying to juggle your homework and social life while still keeping a rockin' bod

Realizing 'Ring by Spring' is just as unrealistic as it was last year

Registering for easy classes just to bump up your GPA

When you see your exam grade

When someone in your group project doesn't contribute

When your friends are all dressed and ready to go out and ask you to come last minute

Changing out of your pajamas because you want to go out with your friends.... and hating every moment of it

Giving yourself a pep talk when that guy you met last night doesn't text you back....

Having to speed walk across campus to try and get to class on time.

Explaining to your mother how great your eating habits have been since you left home...

When your professors all schedule tests in the same week....

Posting snap chat stories to prove to your friends at home that college is AWESOME!!

Not being able to conceal your pride for your football team...

Realizing that you're in college. Which is just cool.

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Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

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