This is not bitter nor is it sarcastic. We all have that one friend who was in our lives from the beginning, but then high school came around and things changed. You tried to hold on to it in the beginning but by junior year, the 14-year long friendship had come to an end. The pathetic “hey what’s up” turned into a half smile in the hallway, which later turned to nothing. Now three years later, you haven’t spoken but you still wonder how she’s been. She was a part of your life for so long and you still think about her sometimes when songs come on or pictures pop-up on your Timehop app. It brings back bittersweet memories because you know you won’t be making any more. But these memories should not hold anger or remorse but more comforting, happy feelings. Here are the four main reasons not to hate your ex- best friend.
1. They were there for the awkward phase.
Your ex-best friend was there for those Blink 182, all black clothing phases and I'm sure she remembers them just as much as you do. If you say you didn't have a Blink 182 phase you're lying. They were there for the pimples, the braces, the terrible Abercrombie clothing; they've really seen you at your worst an they loved you for it. There was never any judgment because they were right there with you. It was something the two of you went through together and it would have been unbearable without each other.
2. They know all of your secrets.
Your ex-best friend knows all of your secrets ranging from who you were in love with when you were ten, to when you got your first period. You and your ex- best friend shared your darkest secrets and that is what made you so close. There was never any fear that those secrets would come out nor is there any now. I remember when my ex- best friend cried because the pool was too cold when we were five and I'm sure she remembers me giggling like a pig when we played "would you rather" with my crush when we were nine. These were the types of things that held our friendship together, along with stupid inside jokes. The inside jokes were endless, and are now a reminder of the times you guys shared.
3. Sharing families.
For a portion of your life, you had two families, yours, and your best friends'. If you still see her family, you reference them as aunt or uncle because you had just as many family dinners at their house as she did. My friend and I called each other's moms "mom" because we were that close. Family members still ask for her and it's hard to see the look on their faces when you say "I don't know". Your family became her family and vice versa. It's better to think of it as an extension of your family who just happen not to see anymore. It is something to feel fortunate to have had, rather than regretful that you don't have it anymore. I learned that complete strangers can become just as close as your actual blood relatives and that was such a valuable lesson to learn at such a young age.
4. They are the reason for your growth and development.
You should truly give your ex- best friend credit for who you are as person today. If you hadn't become friends you wouldn't have the great memories you made, you wouldn't have the most diverse music taste in the world (some may call it weird but whatever), and you wouldn't have known what is was like to have a true friend. It was great having someone to talk to all the time, as well as be completely brutally honest with.
But honestly, the separation was definitely for the better. It was time to let it go and move on. You know that you are different people now, but wouldn't change or take back the friendship for anything in the world. She taught you how to not take everything so seriously and what it's like to trust someone with your entire heart. There is no way to say thank you for that, other than I truly wish that in the future we both find people who are as good to us as we were to each other.
