June 12, 2016. A gay bar was the scene for 49 people's deaths. We know some of their names, but none of their stories. We may never know the struggles they had/have of being part of the LGBTQA+ community and their story of how they joined the community. We may never know of the times they were up late crying, confused and worried of how their family and friends would react. Coming out to one's family and friends may be one of the hardest things some people have to go through in life. As a person who has a gay sibling, I remember the day my brother came out to me.
It all started one afternoon at an old friends house. A group of our mutual friends were all hanging out in her room, I was on her computer chatting to people online. Basically being antisocial and distracted from anything happening in the room. I could tell that something was going on because everyone was whispering around me and moving all around the room. I also had a feeling that not all of us where actually in the room. All of a sudden, our friend and my brother come into the room in a hurry.
Get off the computer and listen! This is really important.
She said this to me as she shuffled my brother into the room and closed the door behind her. I looked up from the computer to see my brother and her were standing near the door while the rest of us were spread around the room sitting on the floor. I kept looking down at the computer because usually when she told me that is was important, it wasn't. I could see that my brother looked like he just ate something bad and was about to spit it out as quickly as possible.
I'm gay...
My brother blurted it out. All our friends around us stood up and patted him on the back and asked if he was OK and gave him many hugs. I stayed on the floor, in complete shock. I could see the friend who was standing next to him stare at me the whole time. I could tell she was watching me as the words flew out, waiting for me to say something. I made eye contact with my brother finally and said,
OK.
I played it off like it wasn't a big deal to me when in reality I had a million thoughts running through my head. I kept thinking if I really thought it was okay, were there any signs, was there anything that caused my brother to be like this? I also questioned if I was supportive or if I was in denial, like the words
I'm gay
actually were just said by someone I considered my best friend. As the years went on I realized at the time I was not supportive and that I thought I had lost someone important to me. I realized this during a fight we had where I said things I will regret for the rest of my life. I then realized, that my brother was the same person the whole time. Nothing had changed. The only thing that did change from this experience was that I grew up and opened my mind. I realized, over time, that I was the one who needed to face the facts that this is real and it's okay.
Its hard to look back and see yourself as the monster in someone's life. Someone who probably spent nights crying about the moment they would come out. I love my brother not because they are gender neutral, or because they are gay, but because they are my brother. I am proud to be part of their story.
