Almost a year has passed since the day you left me behind mom. I wish I could call you right now and tell you the craziness that is life right now but the truth is I can't even wrap my head around your t. Some days it feels as if the world is spinning at top speed with nope hope of stopping but others I feel like every minute is an eternity. I've been through pain, heartbreak, a crazy kind of love, and excitement during the time that you've been gone. I wish you could see it and make one of your sarcastic comebacks or share some advice. I could use a lot of advice because I never let myself stop. I've kept my head and my heart off of the thought that I lost you by filling my schedule. Call them distractions or spontaneous decisions and say I told you so. Sometimes it feels like I don't even recognize my life anymore. My mind constantly wonders how you would feel and if you'd be proud.

I've dealt with so many hardships over the years but this had to hold the top spot for year that almost broke me. I feel like the love that I would show others isn't always matched by their actions and it's starting to hurt me in the way that leaving Skylar and I made you feel. The last few months of hurt, we'll really a year if I'm being honest, pushed me to the limit. I have so much respect for you in the honor and grace you showed while you were in pain. Your faith and your strength inspired me to be half the woman you are. It's crazy to me how you even got through the day sometimes. If it wasn't for the feeling that I'm strong I'd break by now. I never knew that a person could mean that each breathe you take is worth it but the hurt I feel causes me to question it. I'd love to hear what you think Mom because I'm fighting and fighting but I need to come to peace. I know I will and I wish you had the chance to meet the love of my life. He's awesome, sarcastic, sensitive, and kind of an ass all at the same time in a cute way. I can imagine you smiling as I write this one of those smirks you always had. I'm proud of Dad and I need you to look down at him and smile too. I know you always thought he'd find a sense of peace and I truly believe that he has even though it's still a battle within all of us. I would have done anything to fix us before you went to Heaven because I realize now how lost I feel without your guidance and dancing and movie nights. Dads tried to create those but it's turned into impractical jokers. I love you more than words can every say and I will cherish our last conversation forever. You are everything I ever wish to be and thanks for believing in me always. Pray for all of us Mom and I can't wait to see you again someday.