I insert a GIF of Sheldon blowing into a paper bag and then write a very vague and generic caption. “Mood:” I send the tweet and then fall back onto my pillow complete and entirely deflated, exhausted, and on the verge of what I’m assuming is a mental breakdown.
I have a paper due at 11:59 the next evening. Yes, I also have a day of grace, but I’m still stressed. I can’t find any sources for my paper; try as I might, outside of the primary source we were given in class. And as it is I don’t understand most of the content of the primary source. Finals are in a little over a week, and I need to start studying. On top of that I have strike coming up for the musical my school just finished. My room is a mess. I’m behind on laundry and sleep. I haven’t eaten a decently healthy meal in weeks, and I am definitely dehydrated.
Yes, I feel like my life is falling apart one minuscule, first-world college student problem at a time.
My list of complaints grow and grow and grow as I become more tired, more anxious, more stressed, and just ready for what has been one of my roughest semesters yet to be over.
I’ve had problems with peers. I’ve had bad time management. I have a “C” in a class I should be carrying an “A” in.
Again, I feel like my life is falling to pieces.
I sound like every other college student on the face of the earth, and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be so caught up in my problems. I should be caught up in trying to help others with theirs, right? I should have some words of wisdom. After all, people come to something like this to gain perspective.
But I have nothing.
I am empty.
I am dry.
I know what the problem is. I have been neglecting the most important thing in my life. No. It isn’t eating healthy, getting plenty of sleep, or maintaining a good social life, though those things do have their place. I have been pushing to the side the most important relationship in my life: My relationship with God.
Yes, I still do my devotions pretty regularly. I still go to church every week. I volunteer. I go to chapel at my school. I do this. I do that. But am I doing it for the right reasons? I am I doing it to be known, or am I doing it to know the One who knows me already. Am I taking time out of my hectic schedule to know Him and the fullness of His love and grace?
This is a hard reflection for anyone who wants to have a deep relationship with Christ. I can make all of the excuses that I want, but none of them will suffice. My priorities for academic success and the like have come ahead of what I claim is the most important thing to me. My want to go to sleep at a reasonable hour has come ahead of me getting the best rest that I can ever experience by allowing myself to be held in the arms of my Savior for just a short little while during my crazy life.
A verse of the day on your Bible app is not enough. Offering up little prayers here and there throughout the day is not sufficient.
I’m speaking to myself and to you, dear friend, when I say we need to take a seriously reflection and say, “Is it enough, or do I need more?” Am I getting the right amount of spiritual nourishment when I’m on the hilltop that will get me through when I am in the valley?
