It’s 3 a.m., you’re rereading text messages and trying to fight the urge to send another one. You sent the last one at 10:31 and below, it says “read at 10:42”.
You haven’t spoken in weeks, but it feels like months because you’ve turned your message notifications off to forget; but you’re still always checking.
You want to delete their number but you also want to tattoo it to your hand because let’s face it, you still care.
You’re checking to see if the number that’s no longer saved to your phone is in your inbox. It’s been blocked, unblocked, blocked again and the cycle just keeps going because you think maybe if they feel like they’ve lost you, they’ll try.
You’re reading those love quotes on your feed and a thousand things start running through your head. Why aren’t they missing me like I’m missing them?
You’ve blocked them on all social media but you’re hoping there’s a way they could reach you. Your re-tweets are reflecting your mood and now everyone probably knows you’re going through heartbreak.
You wonder if they’ve moved on, but now there’s an “in a relationship” update on your Facebook feed and your stomach drops. You feel everything at once and wish that you couldn’t feel at all.
Months have gone by but it feels like years because your message notifications are still off. You thought it would help you stay away from your phone but now you’re checking it more often.
Maybe you shouldn’t be upset, but just when you start to forget, you hear your phone ring at 3 a.m. That number that hasn’t been saved is lighting up on your phone. Maybe you shouldn’t answer, but this is the one person you’d answer a phone call for at 3 a.m.
The next day you wake up and your number is blocked from their phone. You’re back at square one.
It’s five in the afternoon and that song starts playing on the radio and for some reason it hits you harder than it has lately. It’s okay; it comes in waves and some hit harder than others.
You want to send that, “I miss you” text but you know it’ll hurt more than not getting a reply.
You’re posting things on your Snapchat story and checking the views to see if they’ve watched, and when they do, it stings you with hope.
Your eyes are strained from staring at your phone screen and your fingers hurt from typing, deleting, retyping messages that you won’t even send because it’s not worth it.
It’s time for bed and it’s the millionth time you’ve thought of them today.
They don’t care about you now like they used to; you know it.
You care more because of their lack of care; you know it.
You've realized that care is not defined by the lies they've told or the things they've done- you don't just stop caring about someone.
You thought you had a phone for means of communication but now you just feel like you’re playing games. The worst part is you’re no good at them and you can’t quit playing.
Love may be sweet to the tongue but it is hard on the heart.
This is the definition of modern heartbreak.
