Someone who knows anything about me would probably be surprised to hear that I have very, very low self-esteem. People probably think I’m this sweet girl who is always smiling, dancing and tweeting silly stuff.
But what they don’t know is that I haven’t worn shorts this summer because I don’t feel comfortable in them. The shorts themselves make me happy, but I'm uncomfortable getting compliments.
It's the same sort of feeling, when I find myself saying “thank you” and “sorry” too often. It makes me anxious, when people don’t give me a feedback, when I do something for them. I worry I didn't do enough.
I have low self-esteem.
Just out of curiosity, I once Googled the topic of low self-esteem, hoping to find some ways to get over it, or some advice that would help my friends deal with me. But all the articles I found were saying how having low self-esteem can ruin friendships or how guys should never date girls with low self-esteem.
I disagree.
People with low self-esteem can be optimists.
Having low self-esteem doesn’t mean that we are negative people and bring negative vibes into your lives. Let’s say that I’m on a date at a beach and it starts pouring. While everyone else is leaving, because of the weather, I’d probably say laugh, say we were already wet anyways and keep having fun. Just because we are perfectionists about ourselves, it doesn’t mean everything else needs to be perfect. Having low self-esteem doesn’t define who I am.
We don't all rub our insecurities in people's faces.
You think you’d be tired of us complaining that we suck? Some people do play up their weaknesses for attention, but I'm not one of those people. I mentioned earlier that people wouldn’t think I’m insecure and that is because I don’t act like it. It doesn’t mean that we are hiding it, but we understand that this is our problems for us to deal with; it's not yours.
We respond well to honesty.
Helping someone with self-esteem isn't necessarily difficult. People think that handing out compliments is all we need, but honestly, honesty is the key. If I cook for you and you don’t like it, don’t tell me it’s good. We often worry, because we are lied to to make us feel better. So when something is genuine, we are actually able to move forward.
We need reassurance.
We might ask you the same questions twice. Or three times. Sorry if that annoys you but we just like to make sure. The worst thing you can do to us is to not answer our questions and just tell us to calm down or chill, because we are “freaking out.” Well, we weren’t freaking out, but if you want us to “calm down,” the best thing for you to do would be smile and tell us that everything is good. If we ever fight, it would most likely be a mature conversation about a situation, rather than telling each other what's wrong with each other, because we would never focus only on your flaws. We understand that we have flaws, too.
The biggest thing that helps me with my insecurities is to see my friends smiling. When people are smiling and laughing, that’s when I like myself the most. Don’t say that people shouldn’t date or be friends with people with low self-esteem, because we will work on our insecurity issues, without making it "your problem." We will do our best to make you smile, because that will make us smile. All we need is a little understanding.
