Once in a while, we find people in our lives that seem perfect. And they are. Everything seems great, but there's a voice in the back of your mind that prompts you to question your relationships, have unrealistic expectations, and constantly worry.
You can avoid letting your feelings get the best of you if you stop making the following mistakes.
1. Relying on one person for happiness
People who are too attached to their significant other are at risk of being in a toxic relationship. Signs include constantly worrying if the other person cares about you, the inability to stop thinking about them, and your constant need for them to prove their friendship to you. If you are guilty of any of these, it’s time to realize that you are in an unhealthy relationship.
2. Playing around with emotions
Getting too clingy, moving too fast, and falling too quickly for people are extremely detrimental to your wellbeing. Playing with your trust, commitment, and peace of mind by questioning everything and taking impulsive decisions will backfire in the end. It may even make the other person withdraw from you.
3. Relying on people in general for happiness
Your happiness should mainly stem from yourself. People are only the bonuses in what should already be an awesome life. In other words, no matter who leaves or enters your life, you should maintain your composure and retain a sufficient amount of happiness. No one person should be the make or break of you.
4. Hoping for an equal balance
No matter how hard the two of you try, this will simply never be true. At some mode or stage in life, you will feel like you put too much effort. At other times, you will feel that you don't do enough. It may be stagnant or keep alternating, but understand that the imbalance is OK. Depending on the situation, the balance of give-and-take will vary. That being said, if you find yourself in a totally one-sided relationship or with an overbearing, possessive partner, it's probably time to call it quits— which brings me to my next point.
5. Trying to find someone that matches your ideal
We all have an ideal image of a perfect significant other. It's natural to create one. Sometimes, after we become close to someone, we start placing unrealistic expectations on them because we naturally hope for so much more. The biggest favor you can do yourself is to stop seeking for that someone. It's good to have basic expectations and characteristics that you seek for in a person, but do not let it get the best of you.
Learn to be open to new people, and you never know who you'll come across and befriend. The longer you spend trying to find your ideal, the more amazing people you'll lose in reality.
6. Forgetting that people do not exist to fill a void in your life
Understand that people do not exist in your life for the sole purpose of pleasing and entertaining you. Whether they are busy, unresponsive, or forgetful, it is in your best interest to keep in mind that everyone has their own priorities, goals, and dreams— and unfortunately, you aren't at the top of that list.
People will disappoint you at times, but more often than not, it is not personal and intentional. For your own peace of mind, skip the hours spent worrying and the sleepless nights and come to the mature conclusion that the only person that is 100% invested in your life is you.
7. Being selfish.
These are the people who only go to their friends when they need them — when they feel upset when they need to talk, when they want a friend. Sometimes, we’re so caught up in our own lives that we forget to be there for those around us. Do not make the mistake of taking people for granted because losing friends is painful. If not now, you will miss them later on. One day, you will find yourself all alone and crave their presence.
8. Not being selfish enough.
Having said that, you should always place yourself, your happiness, and your wellbeing in front of others. Do not put your priorities on hold just to meet someone else’s expectations. If your significant other cannot give you enough space or time without feeling insecure and jealous, it’s best to set up boundaries. People should respect that at a certain point of a relationship, it's OK to have separate lives and still be close.
9. Focusing on only one person.
Do not make the mistake of placing all of your expectations and spending all your time with one person. One person, no matter how close to you, will never fulfill all your needs or understand you completely. Having different people in your life gives you more perspective, a breath of fresh air, and more pillars of support.
Do not stop seeking other relationships after you’ve found “the one.” Maybe you have one friend who relates to your hobbies, one who you share your closest secrets with, and one friend who has the same career goals as you. It’s rare to find someone just like you, so don’t drive yourself crazy searching for everything in one person. Life is all about meeting new people because nothing is permanent.
If your significant other is everything you wish them to be, then think about all the other wonderful people you may encounter someday!
10. Forcing yourself to find someone new.
The beautiful thing about friendship or any relationship is that it is unexpected. Do not force yourself to find a new significant other. If you think back to every best friend or significant other you've had, you probably met and befriended them unexpectedly. So, give it time. You will meet someone right when the time is right. In the meantime, enjoy living in the moment and welcome new people.
12. Not letting go soon enough.
Learn to let go of relationships that are toxic. It’s in your best interest to do so. I know it is hard, but you’ll thank yourself for it in the future. Keeping people in your life that make you unhappy no matter how much you care for them is extremely unhealthy for you. You can come up with hundreds of reasons to hold onto them, but none will be paramount to your happiness.
13. Forgetting that others besides your significant other exist around you.
Do not betray or ignore the people around you just because you are now in a great relationship. You may not realize it now, but it will bite you later on. Taking people for granted is the worst thing anyone can do. Just because you trust one person with everything does not suddenly grant that you betray everyone else in your life. If you are lucky enough to have several people in your life that care about you, do not lose their trust and loyalty to continue bonding with one person.
14. Avoiding confrontation.
Silent treatment. Passive aggressiveness. Awkward and dry interactions. These are the three worst solutions to fix any problem. It's simply better and faster to communicate, confront the issue head-on, and move on. Sometimes, being right isn’t as important as saving the relationship.
15. You and your significant other become the same person.
Chances are you two were opposites when you first met and after all this time, you two have merged into the same person. You think alike and sound alike. I get it, it's nice knowing that someone is always on your side. It's comforting knowing that someone always has your back. But when you lose that initial polarity that once brought you two together, it's not exciting anymore. More importantly, you should never have to give up your own individuality for another's sake. Remember that you two exist as separate entities. A good relationship makes for a good team, not a good clone.
Relationships are hard. No matter how hard we try, we seem to repeat these mistakes over and over again. Humans naturally have unrealistic expectations and want love and attention, but emotional turmoil is a rabbit hole you should avoid going down. Good relationships can be extremely rewarding as long as you take the time to appreciate everything wonderful about them.
