He should still be here.

I should not have to miss him.

I should not have to dread the subject being brought up because inside it kills me to talk about.

I should not have to continue on every day being strong and acting as if it is normal that he isn't around.

So yes, I hate missing him because it gets me so upset and feels like it completely overwhelms me from doing anything else. Sure this isn't always the case, sometimes I laugh and smile about memories with him, but when it hits in waves its the only thing on my mind and I hate the feeling of being trapped there.

I hate that he is not here to be a good partner to my mom who deserves it more than the world. Or how he hasn't been here to see any of my siblings and I's accomplishments. He should be here to see my sophomore brother absolutely killing it on the field, or my senior brother making the varsity basketball team. He should have been here to help me through the struggles of college and be here to meet my other brothers girlfriend or my boyfriend. Or to see any one of us graduate and succeed.

I have a year and a half left of college, and my dad won't be here for it.

It's just not fair.

We all think of the good with our lost loved ones. We try to remain strong and keep our lives going knowing, hoping that they are not far from us and still see all that we do.

The truth is that none of us know what happens after death. We hope that they are here, and I believe they are, but sometimes it is hard to keep that faith, and no one talks about that.

So yes, I hate that I have to miss my dad because I don't know what happened to him after he died, and I don't think he should have died so soon. I hate missing him because I shouldn't have to.