Confidence.

As Demi Lovato says, "What's wrong with being confident?"

Well, nothing obviously. But here's my issue: I don't have much of it, so I couldn't tell you where it comes from, or how to maintain it. If you know, please share. I would love to hear your input!

Anyways, my issue is not so much confidence in general as much as it is self-esteem. For as long as I can remember, I've had issues with how I look and how I portray myself. I am generally a happy person. I love getting to know people, and I love being there for others. However, that's what I let people see. Not many people know that I struggle with insecurities just like everyone else. It's been going on almost 12 years, and my insecurities are still the same.

I see all these gorgeous people on magazine covers, and even at my school, and it sucks knowing that I don't look like that. Yeah, everyone knows that what you see on a magazine cover is obviously Photoshopped, but what happens when you're comparing yourself to untouched people who just "naturally" look amazing, people you see throughout your daily life?

A year or so ago, I did a paper on body confidence, and I read that comparing yourself to people who are a part of your daily life is actually more harmful to a person's self-esteem than comparing yourself to a cover model or some other super star. They say this because when you look at a model, you know there's digital alteration, and you can distance yourself from it. However, when it's a person you actually see during the day, it's a lot harder because they're a "real" person, and you don't understand why they look like that and you don't. It was an interesting article, but it made sense to me. For years I've tried so many different things to help myself become more confident in my own skin and with my abilities, but my ghosts from when I was younger just can't stop bugging me. I always wonder if I'm not good enough for a certain person, and ponder that perhaps if I was skinnier, had blue eyes or even if I didn't have the interests I have, perhaps it would be different. Even with all these questions and challenges, it's still so hard.

For as long as I can remember, I've been picked on for how I look, or what I like and so on. I don't care what people think, that's not my issue. I blast the Jonas Brothers in my car all the time and I could not give a care about what the people in the cat next to me think. The problem is that I care what I think. This is good, though, because it encourages me to try harder and make different decisions regarding my workout and food habits along with other decisions. The only problem is, that no matter what, I'm always going to see some kind of flaw. Maybe I run weirdly, or maybe I chew too loud. I know it's ridiculous, but it's my life. My eyes are brown, and brown is such a lame eye color, my nose is too round, my makeup looks like I caked it on last minute (which is honestly usually true). Anyway, it's just hard for me to look in the mirror knowing I'm not who I physically want to be. I need to keep telling myself that I am who I am because that's who God made me to be.

This is not meant to be some pathetic article for people to feel bad for me. This is so I can have something to look back on and see where I was five years from now. Who knows where I'll be obviously, but it's something I need to think about.

If you're on the same boat as I am, I just want to say don't be discouraged. Keep your head up, and know that God made you who you are for a reason, and nothing should change that. Don't worry about what people think, and so what if that cute guy or girl doesn't like you? Move on, they obviously doesn't deserve you, or else the story would be much different. Take it easy and remember to always be confident and stay beautiful inside and out.