Independent and Self-sufficient

Those are two words that you could use to define me.
I've always liked jumping right into new situations
I like to be able to do things myself
I'm not very good at asking for help
(even with silly things like opening a jar)
When I start things I'm determined to figure them out / finish them
(on my own mind you, I hate it when people tell me the answers to things before I figure it out)
I don't mind doing things for myself
like cooking my own meals, shopping, laundry, working
in fact I quite enjoy it
& Being single well that just means I can
be even more independent in my decisions haha

I've been told that being independent
and self-sufficient is a good thing
(whenever people have told me I have those traits I've always taken it as a compliment)
I've been told those characteristics help you to succeed
and they are right
but only in some ways
You see when it comes to my relationship
with God, my independence and self-sufficiency
follow right along and that is not a good thing
when I bring those character traits into my
walk with God then I end up neglecting important truths
I try to use God as a safety net just in case I need
a little help on my climb up
instead of realizing that he is the one pulling me up
I think I can handle the Christian walk on my own
I try to "be good"
to serve others
to love God
to share Christ's love with others
to trust God
to be a good leader
to read my Bible and pray
all while trying to juggle the rest of my life
like being a good student
working my jobs with excellence
being a good friend
caring for those who are hurting and in need

And you know sometimes I fool myself and I think
"Hey I've got this! Life is going really well"
I think that I've done a good job and that
I've been able to overcome a struggle
and I sit back and think that life is going great
I must be doing a really good job with my life
but then what happens when all of the sudden
a trial or a struggle comes?
When situations in my life happen that I can't control
someone dies, my friend is sick, school is overwhelming,
conflicts arise, people hurt me, or work isn't going well
Then what happens?
What do I do?

Well when wave after wave hits me
when I come to the end of my rope
when I feel like I can't go on anymore
when I just want to sit and cry
that is when I realize that I
don't have to do it on my own
I don't have to try and pretend to be
self-sufficient
(because lets face it I wasn't really ever self-sufficient)
I'm not meant to try and live life alone
by my own strength and power
instead all I have to do is rely solely on God
to rest in his grace, love, mercy and strength
to realize that he is the ONLY one who is
self-sufficient

when the feelings of being
alone and overwhelmed come
as much as I hate them
and as much as I fight them
I want to try to embrace them
it's for a good reason, because I'm trying
to do something I was never meant to do
I'm trying to live my life alone and by my own power
and wisdom
As much as I hate admitting it, It's something that
I can't do on my own

So instead of trying to do things on my own
like I always do
I want to try something different
I want to seek God's strength daily
to ask for his grace and wisdom
to deal with this crazy journey of life
to realize that it's okay to be weak and inadequate
and that once I truly realize that I can't do anything
not even wake up in the morning without God sustaining
my life (Psalm 3:5)
then I can finally live a life full of power and grace
one where I don't have to strive to muster up my
own might to succeed
but one where I seek the power of Christ in my
life and live in the good of his grace!

I am going to lay down my pride
and self-sufficiency
and humbly come before Christ
acknowledging that I cannot do it on my own
but that it's okay, because I don't have to.
I have Christ's grace and power in my life!

"Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5