We’re born alone, and we die alone, but along the way we crave relationships with other people. We try to surround ourselves with people that are willing to get to know us, people that are willing to care about us and people that are willing to give the same amount of effort to us in regards to making any relationship, platonic or romantic, work out.
However, when we form those relationships and build bonds, we eventually begin to expect more and more. We begin to expect them to realize every moment when we’re happy, when we’re sad when we’re angry, when we’re hurt. We expect them to know if they’ve hurt us, how they’ve hurt us. We expect them to rectify the situation even if they don’t know what’s wrong. We expect them to be there for us, when the world is crashing down around us, without letting them know what’s going on in our lives, choosing to hide our pain with a smile and a laugh, answering with "nothing's wrong" whenever they ask.
We expect, and expect more, and continue to expect until our expectations are destroyed and we’re left with nothing but disappointment, anger and bitterness. We never take the time to tell them “I need you,” or “you’re hurting me,” but take the time to cut them out of life because of the pain they don’t even know they’ve caused.
I’m guilty of this. I’m guilty of walking out of a person’s life, with no warning at all, and never telling them why. I’m guilty of expecting too much of a person, who has his own problems, and blaming them for my grief. I'm guilty of never telling friends and family that I need them, but then blame them for not being there.
Not only have I caused them pain, but I’ve caused myself pain. All the pain I have gone through by cutting people out and never addressing the conflicts between us was self-inflicted. The pain only happened because I had no idea how to communicate and tell people I was hurting but expected them to know.
I’ve lost several people, a group that I cared about the most (throughout some of the toughest moments in my life) because I was too immature to communicate with them. Instead, I brushed them off and said “They should know what they did wrong," or "They should know I'm in pain," but how are they supposed to know if I never told them? I expected it. I expected too much, got nothing in return, and became the mastermind of my own misery.
Friends will always be around, but they will only know to be around if you ask them to. If you take the time to say “I need you” or “You did something to hurt me,” they won’t write you off and say they don’t care. They will say “What’s wrong,” or “What did I do? I’m sorry.” If we take the time to communicate with one another, there would be less anger and more understanding; There would be less tension and more memories.
Before you let go of the people that you assume are no longer there for you, communicate. Tell them that you’re bothered, hurt angered. Simply walking out hurts you as much as it hurts them, and bottling up the answers they seek from you only adds on to the pain.
Communicate with your friends and your family. Tell them if you need or want them to be around. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes you don’t want to have to communicate, you want them to already know what’s wrong with you and talk to you, but no matter how old a person is, he will still make a mistake. A person will not always be aware that they did something wrong, or that they didn’t do anything at all. A person will not always be aware of the expectations you hold of them. Each person has their own life, their own obstacles, they own problems to face, but if they’re your friend, and if they care about you, then they will still make time for you.
