“So, what are you? Like, your ethnicity.”
“Puerto Rican.”
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“Um, no you aren’t! You talk too white and you look it, too!”
I turned towards this tan-skinned, dark-eyed Hispanic girl with confusion. A rush of embarrassment came over me as I watched the other students turn their heads. Sitting at the edge of a large white table, it was overwhelming to see everyone’s eyes staring at me, waiting for my response. As a fourth grader, being in the center of Hartford, the majority of my communion class was Hispanic. I did not realize I was the only light-skinned student until I was confronted about who I was. Attending a private school, I was never questioned about my identity because of my pale complexion.
But here I was a complete outsider.
As I stuttered, searching for what to say, questions ran through my mind. Was I secretly white? My mom is tan so, she definitely has to be Hispanic. That’s how it works, right? Is there something wrong with me? I grew up unaware of the types of speech that identified with different ethnicities. My identity was never questioned before nor did I know it could be. As the questions accumulated, I assured the girl that I was infact Puerto Rican. Murmurs could be heard throughout the classroom and for the first time I felt separate from the people I thought I related to the most. I had a feeling it would not be my last time.
I’m too light-skinned to be Hispanic. I have too great of a vocabulary to not be white. As a young girl and currently, I am put in the middle between being a minority and being part of the majority. To the white community, my last name is Garcia so I am, in fact, a minority. To the minority community, my skin is white so I am considered privileged. Thankfully, I am not discriminated against in person because of my skin color, but this does not mean that I haven’t been cut off from all the issues minorities face today. When I apply for a job, they see my last name and my ethnicity, same for any other application.
“So, if I may ask, what are you?”
“Puerto Rican.”
“Really?! I just saw the curls in your hair and got confused.”
I realized the importance of identity to people mostly in my workplace, I never really grasped how common misconceptions were until I was repeatedly asked during shifts. This also makes me wonder how this will affect my professional career in the future. I recognize that most questions derive simply from curiosity, but phrases like, “What are you?” make me feel alienated.
Looking back to that day in Communion class, I realize why this was such a shock to me. I went to an almost all-white school with privileged students. It was obvious that I was Puerto Rican because everyone knew my name, Garcia, and they had all been around my family.Sometimes I have been hesitant when it comes to speaking up for minority groups because I have been faced with the accusation that I could never feel the discrimination dark colored minorities could. This precarious position in which I am placed due to my identity as a graduating senior makes me fearful of being placed in a box and not being able to fit anywhere, especially in an American society, where racism still exists through micro-aggressions. Even though this has been true, I have grown tremendously from this experience and plan to be a strong voice for the Hispanic community wherever I go.
