I work full time in the gambling industry. Every work day I'm exposed to hundreds of people in all kinds of situations. My favorite in particular is watching these fully capable adults slowly devolve while they wait in line. They wait, and the more they wait the more irritated they get. This is a common issue. It's just a known fact, when people wait they seethe. It's such a prominent issue that we have specific techniques to deal with these kinds of people; ways to keep them simmering so they don't boil over. All because they cannot handle waiting their turn. It's a practice we've been taught since kindergarten, so why do we have such a problem with it still as adults?
As a child we are taught to be still, to be patient, to wait our turn, but none of these actions are actions that we cannot forget. As time progresses it seems that so many people care less and less about these rudimentary lessons. We become complacent in our own emotional awareness, and we end up boiling over in our everyday lives. When the traffic is bad, when the ice cream machine at McDonald's is out, when our plans get cancelled. So the question is why do these small things affect us so much? It's because we have lost the art of dealing with situations that are out of our control.
As children these skills are easier to pick up because they're easier to recognize. As a child all things are out of our control: where we go, what we eat, how we dress, etc. It means much less for a child to wait in line. Kids don't get agitated at the cashier for being slow, they simply get bored and restless because they don't know how to adequately utilize their time (they're kids, what do they possibly have to think about in that time anyway? The existential crises has yet to set in). Adults stop thinking about using that time. At some point every insignificant hold up becomes an irritation, a hassle. We become so invested in our lives, in our own time frame, that we forget that everyone around us has the same issues. We are all living. We are all waiting in line, dealing with situations out of our control. We are all in a time frame.
As adults, or close enough, we should learn to control these petty emotions. As we mature and grow we should learn to take control of our emotions and our actions, and understand the consequences of exposing others to our emotional turmoil. We become less considerate to one another, and in turn we are less considerate to ourselves.
Living a life where we become agitated by traffic, by lines, or the similarly insignificant actions of others is harmful to the body. It's harmful to the soul and the people we come into contact with: our friends, lovers, and family. I don't think it's a stretch to assume that everyone wants to be happy, but in retraining ourselves to relax from these inevitable situations, we find our lives significantly improve and our happiness is no longer threatened by these inevitable events.
Nobody wants to grow up this way. As a kid we believe that adults have all the answers. We have this grand idea that there's this path to walk through that makes adults all knowing, all the wiser. If we were told we would end up throwing fits because we had to wait five minutes for a meal, as a child it wouldn't fit into this idea of what an adult is. In fact it shows a direct lack in growth from a five-year-old's actions. Some people literally don't grow past that point emotionally in certain situations. Nobody wants to live that way. Nobody wants to grow up angry and emotionally dependent on the events of our day to provide our happiness.
That's where mindfulness comes in. Everyone has heard the word before; it's usually grouped with words like "grateful" and "humble." But so few of us understand exactly what it means to be mindful, how it's done, and how it's practiced in an effective way.
Mindfulness is simply becoming aware. If I asked you if you burned your tongue, your awareness suddenly goes to your mouth, when most of the time we ignore it. Unless our tongues get burned or bitten, we don't really give it any mental focus.
Now, how do you feel? Are you happy, sad, irritated? Let your mind pull inwards, allow yourself to become aware of how you feel, simply sitting and reading. Now ask yourself why. Why are you irritated? Why are you stressed out? Are you lashing out at others because of these issues? Analyze your feelings, understand them. The art of mindfulness is taking a step back. It's seeing yourself from a new vantage point. Have you ever gotten into an argument that went too far? Maybe one of your said something, or what you're talking about now is different from the original issue, and there's this moment of clarity where you pull away from your own anger. You can see the situation from a distance and think that something isn't right, this needs to stop, etc. It's like an out of body experience in the way that we can pull away from ourselves.
The second part of mindfulness is logic. It's looking at ourselves and taking the logical approach to the situation. Is it logical to get frustrated with my sister because I haven't eaten? No. Is it logical to get angry at the cashier because I personally am in a rush? No. So what is the logical answer? Fix the problem. Eat, get out fifteen minutes earlier. Use the information that you have in your own body to make your life a smoother running machine. We all have this ability to read this information and build ourselves for the better. For so long we have simply ignored it because we were never taught the importance of being with ourselves.
So what about standing in line? What if I simply don't want to stand there because my feet hurt, because I'm tired, or because I think the cashier is simply incompetent? Pull in, be with yourself, and take hold of your emotions. The people around you will be all the better for it, and your happiness won't be affected by daily trivialities.
