As a new school year begins, you will most likely meet new people through classes, clubs, parties, or other events. When in these places, it's important to keep in mind that everyone is different. You may come across people who prefer certain gender pronouns (she, her, hers; he, him, his; they, them, etc.) over others and it's crucial that you respect that.
It may seem odd at first, but when meeting someone, you may want to ask them their preferred gender pronoun so as to not assume they identify with the gender pronouns that traditionally go along with their assigned sex at birth. You probably know a lot of women or men who identify with the pronouns that typically go with their sex, but not everyone does.
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You may have heard the term gender nonconforming before which means that someone chooses not to conform to their gender stereotypes. An example of this would be a man who chooses to wear eyeliner to work each day, or a woman who decides to grow out her underarm hair which is typically seen as masculine. Many people who are transgender or transitioning from one gender to another are gender nonconforming because they feel they should have been born with a different sex (they feel like a woman in a man's body or vice versa).
Another term you may have heard is gender fluid. This has been a circulating term as of late in regards to Miley Cyrus and "Orange is the New Black" actress Ruby Rose. In an interview with ELLE, Rose said,
Gender fluidity is not really feeling like you're at one end of the spectrum or the other. For the most part, I definitely don't identify as any gender. I'm not a guy; I don't really feel like a woman, but obviously I was born one. So, I'm somewhere in the middle, which – in my perfect imagination – is like having the best of both sexes. I have a lot of characteristics that would normally be present in a guy and then less that would be present in a woman. But then sometimes I'll put on a skirt – like today.
These types of things are just about how you feel as a person. It can be difficult to completely be who you are in the society we live in, and sometimes if someone doesn't conform they're just seen as weird. While some people are accepted in certain communities, terms or issues involving gender are definitely a work in progress.
By asking someone what pronoun they prefer to use, it shows respect and an attempt to create a safe space between you and a new friend. It shows that you are open to using different names and want to validate their identity. While something like a pronoun may seem small, it connects to someone and who they are which should be taken seriously.
If it's uncomfortable to ask someone or you simply aren't sure what to use, it's always safe to use a gender neutral pronoun like they or them for example. You might hear other ones such as ze and there are more than that. While something like this could take some time to get used to, especially if using they or them for a singular person because it isn't grammatically correct, do your best to use their preferred pronouns. If you make a mistake, just apologize and let the person know you're new to this but are trying.
In general, this is about inclusion and making people feel safe to be themselves. No one should feel threatened or feel like they can't be themselves because their identity won't be validated or they won't be accepted.
