I tell him I live over by the rundown looking boxing gym. He nods and the bike roars to life. I’m mesmerized watching the buildings fly by. I’ve always loved Savannah, Georgia’s architecture, but seeing it this way is unreal. I haven’t felt this alive in a long time. Maybe it’s the alcohol giving me courage; I lean back a little and throw my arms out. The rush of air makes my shirt cling to my stomach and I stare up at the sky. The city lights usually make it almost impossible to see any stars, but I swear I can see a few. He’s yelling something at me, most likely for me to hold on, but it’s just so freeing.
I feel us start to slow down and look around. I see my building in the distance and I know that means I have to come down from this high. Not knowing the next time I’ll feel this way I savor it just a little longer. I lean back against him and wrap my arms around his torso again. Letting myself pretend that this is the end of a date and that when I get inside the apartment I won’t just fall apart. He puts the kickstand down and turns the bike off. I take a deep breath and untangle myself. I pull off the helmet and hand it to him with a weak smile.
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“Thanks.”
“Do you need help to your apartment?”
“No I got it from here. I don’t want to keep you any longer.”
“I really don’t mind, I don’t have any important plans.”
I could let him inside and have what I’m sure would be an amazing night. But that’s all it would or could ever be. It’s not fair to involve an innocent person. Before I can walk away he grabs my hand.
“Give me your phone.”
“Why?”
“Just give it to me.”
I hand him my phone and I see him pull up my contacts. He hands it back to me with a text message to him on the screen.
“What’s that for?”
“Just in case.”
“Oookay. Well I’ll see you around.”
Before anything else can happen I walk to the door and shut it quickly behind me. I lean against it and let out a sigh before sliding to the ground. I can feel the pain starting to set in. It’s like someone is pulling my heart out of my body from behind; making my chest feel like its caving in. I run up the stairs to my apartment. Shoving my key in the lock it bangs against the wall when it opens. I go straight to the bathroom and rip open the medicine cabinet. It sits there, mocking me. The dull florescent lighting still causes this thing to shine. I push my jeans off and grip the stupid thing just above my thigh. Its cold tip slices through my skin with ease. The intense red blood stands out in contrast to my ivory skin. One cut never does the trick, so I cut once more. Tears silently stain my face as I wait for the relief to come. I tried to stop once, but it called to me.
I throw the thing in the sink. I don’t bother putting my pants back on as I leave the bathroom. I walk to the living room in a haze until I see the flashing light on my phone. It’s flashing blue for a voicemail. I feel all the warmth leave my body. Only a few people have that number and I doubt Josh would call this soon. My hand shakes as I press play.
“Callie dear, did you think I had forgot about you? Don’t worry sweetheart, I’m still around. So don’t do anything stupid… Or there will be consequences.”
Ragged sobs leave my body as I collapse on the floor. It doesn’t matter where I move to or how hard I try to hide. Eric always finds me.
