Voting, the one act every American should at least pretend like they are enjoying. In 2012, the last presidential election, 56.5 percent of the United States population and 38 percent of young people ages 18 to 24 years old reportedly voted according to the U.S. Census. 38 percent. Meanwhile the other 62 percent were probably looking for the Cheeto they dropped under the couch, going on their 18th hour of no sleep playing Modern Warfare, or pulled in to where it says "Vote Here," saw the old couple that lives next door and turned around to avoid a 40 minute conversation. Voting is essential to our democracy. After all, it is what those rich, white, landowners back in 1776 fought for us to do.

Now, if you were to tell them that in 240 years a woman would be running for president, the current president will not count as three-fifths of a person, and one Founding Father will only be remembered as the title of Broadway's biggest musical, maybe they would have leaned more towards a monarchy, make George Washington their king, and then a 90 year-old San Antonio man, Paul Emerson Washington, the current ruler of the United States. Basically, they thought this nation would be controlled by wealthy, white men forever, and unfortunately they're not totally wrong; but remember, if someone says, "Let's restore America to the original constitution" or anything that has to do with "the past" and "constitution", know that the Three-Fifths Compromise has not been taken out yet, and women didn't get the right to vote until 19 amendments later. Be cautious with those people!

For some of our readers, I understand that after 18 years of waiting these options are pretty disappointing. I get that Hillary Clinton cannot function technology, killed a handful of people, and sabotaged Bernie Sanders from giving the world free weed. I also understand that Donald Trump has insulted everyone but himself, would give King Henry VIII a run for most wives by a ruler of a major country, and wants to spend millions of dollars on building a gigantic wall while there are about 50,000 homeless veterans in America according to the National Alliance to End Homelessness. But that's fine because we're going to make Mexico pay for it like that's not going to start another war. Despite all of this, though, that shouldn't deter anyone from fulfilling their most simple civic duty - to vote.

If anything, we should appreciate that we live in a country where you can live under a rock your whole life, disconnect yourself from society, and as long as you're over 18 and not a bad person, you get a say in government. Of course they allow the public to vote for president just to make them feel good because you're actually voting for the electoral college who decides who becomes president, despite how many popular votes the candidate receives. Just ask Al Gore, he's that man you'll probably see crying next to the fallen tree at your local construction site. Anyway, you have a direct influence in all other positions you could vote for. From governor to the wack-job trying to save your local school board, you really do impact that outcome. Actually, you can argue that the state and local government elections impact you more because those representatives work closely to catering your needs as a citizen. Several of your taxes will come under the state and local levels, and in the event of an emergency, such as your house being washed away by the annual hurricane, the local government is the first to respond.

Voting does not take long to do. You can go to the booths on your way to get gas, or passing gas, or walking your dog who's passing gas, on your Harley, daily jog, tricycle, unicycle, horse and buggy, tractor, your old neighbors, carpool, Deadpool, but not in your swimming pool, in your lawn mower, smart car, sports car, train, canoe, tank, bus, limo, taxi, kayak, Uber, sleigh, Pegasus, helicopter, Trump-force-one, Hillary's email server, anything can get you from your house to the polls, so go to the polls!

Before you step into the booth, you should do your homework on the candidates. Don't just walk into the booth, close your eyes, and play Russian Roulette with these options. Think of this election as like choosing which red button to press. You never want to push the red button, but you have to push the red button. It's not like "Let's Make a Deal" where one door is a brand new car and the other is a pile of junk. Both doors are a pile of junk, it's just a matter of which one you would have less shame of displaying in your home, or in your basement, or the annex, where ever you want. Now here's a picture of Bill Clinton playing with giant balloons to make you feel better.

We can't forget to mention the other candidates in this race either. Gary Johnson is the Libertarian candidate and Jill Stein represents the Green Party. Johnson is like Kiefer Sutherland as President Kirkman in NBC's "Designated Survivor." He never expects in a million years that he will be elected president; and by some miracle he does, he would probably shrug his shoulders, say he was just kidding, and leave all decisions to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell because if there is any man that is terrific at making decisions once after horrible situations get even worse, it's Roger Goodell. If you haven't watched Will Smith in "Concussion," I completely recommend it.

Then there's Jill Stein who uses Bernie Sanders like that famous second cousin. You just say you know that second cousin just to get people to like you, but you really don't. In fact the only time you ever met that famous second cousin was at your grandfather's funeral eleven years ago. By now, that cousin probably forgets you exist, and will not even recognize you on the street.

This will be an historical election. For what reasons remain to be determined, but despite the outcome we hope that it never happens again. Anyway, it's an important election, just like every other election should be, and you should make every effort to participate in it. Your future depends on it!

*bald eagle perches on my shoulder*

America.