"Simply stated, early wave Millennials grew up in a culture of metrics. Our Boomer parents wanted to know if we were hitting benchmarks at the appropriate times, if we were where we were supposed to be for our age, etc. We grew up in an age of hyper-parenting. “Child safety” initiatives in overdrive was but a daily occurrence in our households. So much so that this extreme awareness of external factors that could possibly hinder achievement of childhood milestones was reflected in parenting styles shifting to everything being 100% child safe. Things MUST be “childproof” so nothing could stand in the way of the achievement of their special, one of a kind child. In fact, “childproof” in terms of “safeguarding a child’s future” could be a euphemism this day in age for “I’m the parent and my kid is going to do what I say, regardless of what they’re naturally inclined to do/be.”
I couldn't have said this any better. I am a Generation Y parent, I understand the danger of the world around me. As a parent (a Gen Y parent no less), it is my job to educate myself on how and why we behave the way we do. In my research I notice that this reoccurring theme "My kids will accomplish great things." I myself have fallen at this drive for success just to see myself get sick (emotionally and physically).
It is not in the nature of a Richmond to ever give up or surrender on our future driven success. However, I have examined my own goals time and time again. As I sit and look at my Goals I can see that they are strangely short-termed. Have I really fallen victim to the "Instant Gratification" goals. My Life plan has fallen short at the "get past school", now that I am hear I am not really sure what to do. Then comes Miss Celeste.
The reason I am a Generation Y parent is because I am accepting of the circumstances that surround me. I have witnessed a war and the death of my fellow Americans, I have seen great moments toward equality and I have seen the acceptance of gay marriage. Even in my own life I have witnessed adversity that has made me accepting to the fact that I cannot change. The milestones that others have set, just do not matter to me. I am proud of my daughter and she is so smart (she may even be a genius, who knows). But I am not one to dictate her future.
One of the values that I set upon myself is my control the controlling nature. By nature I am a controlling individual (maybe this was the lack of control I had as a child, maybe not). As I grew up I realized that I hate when people control me, my Mother (best mom/grandma EVER in my book) taught me that we need to treat others the way I want to be treated. Well in my case that went to the opposite extreme. I am unable to say no to people I care about, thus letting controlling people into my life due to a lack of my ability to dictate my own life.
From her birth, Celeste has been challenged to make her own decisions. She is her own person and I treat her so. Call me crazy to let my 17 moth old choose what shampoo she uses (always the more expensive one), but I do make her choose. As I watch her grow every day she astounds me with her cognitive recall and her ability to reason through each problem she faces. It got me thinking, there has to be something said about removing milestone markers and shifting the focus to individually designed challenges daily. I try and not compare Celeste to other children her age, but I can't help it. She can carry on conversations, walk well, unlock doors and knows how to be polite, I don't know many children that can do that. But what really floors me is her feelings.
Celeste is a determined little girl (my mini me). But she is also very emotional at times. It is crazy to see how she behaves when she fails at something or worse when she makes mom mad. She cries about things like a normal child (or my perception of "normal"). But is she suppose to feel ashamed or disappointed? The looks that she gives me when she is experiencing those two feelings cannot be described as anything else than that. When I tell her I am disappointed she looks at her feet and silently cry...it is a behavior that I as the oldest sibling remember my little brother and sister doing at age 5.
To get back to the point today, am I just building upon what my parents laid work for, or am I learning on my own? My original idea of parenting is so different than that of the parenting books that I read. Leading me to think that the "traditional" family is nothing but a thing of the past and an oddity of nature. Being rigid and tough is not beaten into our kids but instead taught to them. So we really need to re-think the parenting books and listen to all places of information, Parents, Books and Internet and process it into our own path.
