As I scroll through Facebook, Twitter, and an array of social media platforms the click-bait title "Modern Dating is Dead" pops up on my screen time and time again. Millennials publishing articles about how they want love like a Nicholas Sparks novel, believe chivalry is dead, and detailing the traits they wish to find in their future partner speckle my dashboard. The assumption is made that in this day and age, formal dating for millennials is impossible.
It's your first year of college. You are getting together with a group of friends and one of the girls you are planning on going out with has a boy friend. Everyone starts questioning her. Why would she want a boy friend her freshman year of college? Why would she "limit her fun"? She does not mind; she loves her boy friend. Limit her fun? So, not go out to parties with the hopes of hooking up with the cute guy down the hall? "Limit her fun" by being accountable for her actions at the end of the night, rather than blaming drunken hook ups on one shot too many or carelessness after a rough week at school? In no way am I saying that being single in college equates to an overflow of drunken hookups or reckless decision making, but by referring to relationships as a restraining force against "the joys of college" it may steer one to stay away from commitment.
The steering away from commitment causes those that are single to crave alternative forms of affection; many of which are derived from social media platforms. "Likes" on Instagram and Facebook alert us that someone may be interested in us; Snapchat streaks equate to flirting, and the term "Netflix and chill" is ingrained in the minds of millennials everywhere. The problem is not these social media platforms, but millennials' tendency to isolate their major interaction with one another to these tools.
You are going into your junior year of college. You are getting together with a group of friends and out of the five girls you are going out with; four have boy friends. Everyone starts questioning the one single girl. Why doesn't she have a boy friend? Can any of them set her up with their boy friend's best friend? Or maybe the nice guy they sit next to in their Price Theory class. The transition begins to be put in motion; your peers are beginning to no longer lust after the attractive guy from the gym, but instead are looking for something more.
Being a single millennial can be tough. You are told romance is dead, all guys want is someone for the night; and the practice of bringing a boy home for your mom's approval is no longer alive. Well, I think this assumption is wrong. Romance is not dead. Chivalry is still thriving, and believe it or not there are other guys and girls out there who want to spend their nights on the beach watching the sunset, or dressed to the nines sitting across from you at a candle-lit dinner.
The problem is due in part to the increased use of platforms such as Tinder, Match.com, and Instagram, which allow us to virtually go through our own "check-list" of what we are looking for in a partner, are causing modern dating to become more difficult. It seems that millennials are out there searching for the ideal, rather than allowing the natural to materialize in front of them.
Everyone has gone through it. The strike-outs with someone they believed was the one, the first heart-break, and the first-date gone wrong. Yes, we do as a generatoin need to emphasize the importance of formal first-dates, lessen the Netflix and chill culture, and encourage more face to face interaction; but that does not mean our chances at modern romance have come and gone.
Romance occurs when you least expect it. I stumbled into love while working at my summer job; miserably working as a server in a chain restaurant I somehow met the person I fell in love with. Did I anticipate that when I met him? No. But I took a chance. I did not compare who he was to the "ideal boy friend" I had conjured in my head. I took a chance and went on a first date (without really knowing it was a first date) and liked how it made me feel. We met up for ice cream on our first date, awkwardly got to know each other, and smiled over our sundaes. Going forward I was caught in a whirlwind of a summer romance; filled with early morning beach runs, vineyard visits, candle-lit dinners, and learning about each other. Social platforms did not constitute flirting; but smirks across the restaurant and nervous conversation over dinner did. Instead of relying on my phone or computer to sustain our relationship; I relied on myself.
My point is romance is not dead, nor is modern dating impossible. Your special someone is out there, they may not measure up to the all the boxes you wish to check off, or appear to be exactly what you are looking for, but your person is out there; waiting for you. Now stop relying on the digitized forms of flattery, put down your phone, and look the person you are interested in straight in the eyes; one of these times you are bound to feel a spark.
