Everyone has heard of it. It is an ever-changing concept that everyone wants to understand, the dating scene. Are relationships harder to acquire or maintain in the 21^st century? If so, is it due to technological advancements in the past decade? Some would say it has changed the name of the game. In the past men and even now are expected to make the first move. Now the initiative is left on both sexes and both partners of different orientation. Although this gives the submissive power, it only raises more questions. Should I make the first move? Who should text who first? People of both sexes and orientations find themselves asking these questions everyday. How do we resolve this?

My friend Janet is a girl in her mid twenties that has been in the scene for 10 years has experienced dating pre and post technology. In her time she has learned that technology can make relationships difficult. Texting is difficult. Everyone has the friend that asks, “What should I say back to this boy”.

Anyway, when I had approached her with her thoughts of “the scene” she believes that it is easier to find a hookup rather than something substantial. Texting someone consistently requires a commitment of time. When people are denied that it translates into “I’m not interested” but this is not the case usually. People are busy, they forget to reply sometimes and it doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t like talking to you. If they do, they’ll reply.

Growing up in your twenty’s is the time everyone feels like their life should be together, others feel like it’s only the beginning. Some are lucky enough to find someone they want to spend their lives early on with and fulfill that part of their life, but not always. The twenties is the time to find your self and ponder if you personally want love right now, am I ready to love? Should I wait to look for it after graduation or after years of loveless affairs? Are these internal fears or the universe’s way of saying love cannot be planned or manipulated? It is said that when you’re single that you have freedom, but do we have freedom of the mind?

Being single means we know the dating scene all to well. The dating scene has its own game we all have heard of. To avoid feeling lonely the singles need to go out and meet other people. In today’s age it starts with that Facebook message or a super-like on Tinder. Facebook stalking has developed into its own version of a first impression. Facebook profiles can display a person’s interests and overall personality by what is displayed on their wall, ‘supposedly’. This can be somewhat dangerous because a profile isn’t the most accurate representation of that person no matter how negative or positive your impression is. Have we as the newer generations lost our confidence to walk up to someone and start conversation? Dare I say hold conversation?

Talking to a few people, I have noticed people are looking for something new on geo-locater apps such as: Tinder, Grindr, etc. The benefits of these social networking applications are to view the people in your area that are of the same sexual orientation and display their interests. The users of these applications primarily look for their casual hookups. For others trying to find something more valuable in terms of a relationship, and that is difficult.

My friend Charlie, a twenty-one year old Tony’s employee in downtown Chicago had some light to shed on this subject. “It’s really how you use the app that determines what you get out of it. Technology has a lot to do with how we behave behind a screen. Typing out a message saying what is on your mind and strategizing your next response is easier than saying it face to face without the consequences. If you’re not interested, all it takes is the hit of a block button.” There are positives to social networking like identifying the intentions of others quicker than through discovering it the hard way. When you are approached by someone and say they are, “looking for friends” nine times out of 10 they are being subtle. What they are really saying is, “I want to do the dirty.” Which is not uncommon in today’s world and not entirely bad. People are just at different stages of life and want different things. Unfortunately people like to lead others or simply taken advantage of emotionally. It is so easy to be trusting in someone who says all the right things but as mama always told me, “Don’t put all of your apples in one basket.” Yeah, this guy may seem great but in reality you could barely know him or his intentions. If you’re looking for a relationship and are not certain about someone it is best to wait for intimacy.

Farrah Stone once told me, “If you’re wanting something special, treat yourself as something special.” At first, I wasn’t sure what she meant. Perhaps this means when you’re out on a date, try waiting before you give all you have to offer. Leave your romantic interest with mystery, something to work for. Of course, if you never hear from that person you know what they wanted all along or they weren’t feeling you and that’s okay! For those people, everyone views intimacy differently and that has to be respected. To avoid hurting someone’s feelings or being disappointed, it is best to being direct with your expectations and thoughts.

Depending on what you are after, dating has many benefits such as: getting out of the house, meeting new people and hopefully having intellectual conversation. Each person you go out on a date with has a story to tell. And each date has a lesson we can all learn from. For instance, the guy in law school supporting his sick grandmother, or the loud chewer that disagrees with your vegan lifestyle. What we like in a partner and what we don’t. Where your personal boundaries lie in your intimate relationships. Having these experiences gives the single community a chance to grow, become stronger. Being proud of who you are and not apologizing for your quirks. Own them. When you decide to modify your personality, behaviors, likes or dislikes to create compatibility you are already on the wrong foot. Knowing yourself and the things that indeed make you unique is what the person sitting across from you wants to hear. How can one appreciate another person if they don’t value themselves first? “Personally, I’m not there to bloat my date’s ego. You like me or you don’t.”

Where does the anxiety, the pressure of a date come from? Nerves? Not every date is a hookup or looking to find the man of their dreams. So what is the point of dating? Although the scene may seem frightening, and has the reputation for a promiscuous lifestyle it can be healthy.

We tend to overthink the term “date.” What do we do? What do we talk about? Seems to be some the questions individuals come to when going on a date. It’s time to put the overthinking to a rest. Start with, “hello” like you are making a new friend. Being comfortable with yourself will shine brighter than the new top your bought before that coffee date. It is less threatening to look at a date as an opportunity to get out of the house and enjoy yourself rather than a marriage application. No one wants to sign their life away just yet, make a new friend and go from there.

The streak looking back could make you want to give up on love altogether. Love is the one thing you can’t give up on, love for others. Without another soul on Earth there wouldn’t be anyone to share life with. Imagine living without family or friends. They are different forms of love in disguise. Love has to be accepted and earned in every aspect when committing in a monogamous relationship. Happiness has to come from within yourself before you can love anyone else. What does this mean? Discover who you are without someone else. Create your own goals and aspirations and accomplish them. Be proud of who you are. Cheesy? Yes, but one hundred percent true. When you’re texting that cute boy chill out. Be patient for a response, if there isn’t one then his loss. Life is too precious than to waste time trying to make people like you. Instead of stressing about dating or giving up altogether, have fun with it and don’t forget to be yourself.