I recently read Rupi Kaur’s collection of poetry and prose entitled Milk and Honey and I was fascinated with the raw emotion involved in the experience of violence, abuse, love, loss, and femininity. The Breaking is the third section of the book and it made me think about all the ways in which relationships end. The pain expressed through Kaur’s poetry within this section seems like something no one would ever want to go through. She talks about needing to sew yourself up after a relationship is broken and how it can make you feel shattered. After reading this section of the book I kept wondering why anyone would want to voluntarily put themselves through this type of pain. Why do people take “breaks” in relationships? Reading The Breaking further caused me to doubt the success and effectiveness of taking a break. Here are my thoughts…

Obviously, everyone’s relationships are unique and there are many different reasons why a couple may decide to take a break. The way I am defining a break in this article is the way in which couples decide to no longer exclusively commit to each other while still caring for each other in the same way. Because this couple’s feelings remain unchanged, they know that they will eventually be in a committed relationship with each other again, which is why they call it a break. While they are on a break, they are technically single human beings who still love each other. This is the kind of situation I will be commenting on throughout the article.

I see this kind of break as problematic for mainly four reasons.

1. It is difficult to return to a committed relationship, and if a couple does, will their relationship ever be the same?

Since the two people in the relationship still have feelings for each other, they risk hurting one another when single during their break. With this kind of hurt it will be difficult to return to a solid exclusive relationship.

2. Losing someone you love, even if you have agreed that it would be temporary, is emotionally difficult. (I have already mentioned some of the ways in which Kaur describes strenuous feelings after a breaking in a relationship above)

Kaur mentions how telling someone that you love them often means and implies that you do not want to leave them.

3. Believe it or not getting back together can be just as emotionally difficult as going separate ways.

“you were not wrong for leaving/ you were wrong for coming back/ and thinking/ you could have me/ when it was convenient” Since taking a break is an agreement to leave and come back to each other, is it convenient for both parties in the relationship? If it is, then is it no longer wrong to do? These aspects make returning to an exclusive relationship difficult.

4. It is not guaranteed that a couple will get back together after a break.

One of the first things Kaur emphasizes in this section of the book is the fact that the people in the relationship are the only ones that can bring them back together. Kaur even says that not even fate has the ability to do this. A couple must actively restore their committed and exclusive relationship for the break, or any break-up to successfully come to an end.

Since this is just my opinion and thought process, I understand that many may not agree with a word I wrote above. There is one thing I read about taking a break during a relationship that I believe everyone can agree on: when a couple takes a break, they are essentially trying to abandon someone they want to keep while lingering in a place they do not want to stay. Whether or not you think this is okay it is your choice. And while I think Rupi Kaur would agree with the things I have mentioned in this article, she does end this section of her book saying that “the way they leave tells you everything.” Meaning that what you and your partner do is personal and unique. Neither Kaur’s words or my words surrounding the breaking of relationships are necessarily right answers to its complexity.

I definitely recommend Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur!

Anything quoted in this article comes from her book.