There are many kinds of military kids. Those who have lived in at least four different states, others that lived in at least four different countries and those who were left behind.

Typically the former two are referred to as “military brats." They lived on military bases, have gone to so many different schools that they have friends all over and typically have a very confusing accent or dialect. The latter really doesn’t get a nickname. The latter is the one that you see in those touching YouTube videos, where their parent had been on active duty overseas for months or years, and then surprise them at school or at graduation. They’re the ones who spend months of their lives in single-parent households that used to have two, the ones who learn how to do their own hair because mom is thousands of miles away and dad is getting your younger sibling ready for school and the ones who sit quietly and watch the father-daughter dance at their fifth grade “social."

When strangers hear that your dad is away in Afghanistan for a whole year, they always say how strong you are, and how you’re doing a great service to your country. You, a seven-year-old, being an outstanding example of citizenship. And you’re expected to smile and nod and say how proud you are of your parent… And you are proud. But being a military kid means so much more than that.

Being a military kid means driving your dad to the airport, and then leaving without him, your mother trying her best not to cry as she leads you back to the car, and knowing that you won’t see him for months. Maybe years. It means watching the airport get smaller in the car’s window, and when you get home, the silence in your house is deafening.

Being a military kid means waking up on Christmas morning sad. It means going to open presents with your sister and your mom, and having there be a space where your dad should sit, that the cat probably takes instead. And while the cat is good at cuddling, you’d rather hug your dad and say “Merry Christmas!” instead.

Being a military kid means putting the coffee maker in the basement, because no one is going to use it for a year, so why keep it on the counter taking up unnecessary space? It means waking up to no smell of coffee every morning - the same brand of coffee you’ve smelled since you were two, because hell will freeze over before your dad will branch out on his coffee flavors.

Being a military kid means that on Father’s Day or Mother’s Day, all the other kids in elementary schools make cards with construction paper and glue. Then on the holiday, promptly gave the cards to their parent that weekend. All the while, you knew that when you mailed it to Afghanistan, it might not be until next month when they receive it, if you’re lucky.

Being a military kid means feeling sad a lot. It means lots of birthdays, graduations and dance recitals that they couldn’t go to. It means feeling a little bitter, because the girls who bully you in school have dads who pick them up from school, hug them and throw them in the air, and you don’t.

Being a military kid isn’t all bad.

Being a military kid means you can say, “My dad helped build a school for girls in Afghanistan," and sounding really cool and feeling really proud when you say it. It means getting a pen pal from a girl your age who now gets to go to school thanks to your dad and his brigade.

Being a military kid means your dad sends you hand-carved chess sets and scarves that girls your age wear as hijabs, that the people in the town he’s working with gave to him as thank you gifts. It means that you have $10 in Afghani money that you’ll never use, but hey, it’s cool to look at.

Being a military kid means that you appreciate every moment that your parent is in your presence. It means never taking for granted the fact that your parent is there for you when you need them. Of course we all go through a rebellious stage when our parents are just so annoying and you wish they’d back off, but in the back of your mind, you’re glad they’re there to annoy you.