You know eventually it's going to happen, becoming a military significant other promised you that. Once you know the date everything becomes more important. Everything you do you realize, "I need to enjoy this before he leaves". Or "I have six months left until the big d", dare I say it? Deployment.
Months before you just know it's going to happen but you're just going to go about your daily lives! It's all good, you have another year, right? Wrong, I knew almost 18 months in advance and I still feel like I didn't do or prepare enough. I think back on the days I picked silly fights that I wished I had spent going on a fun date and laughing with my sweet man.
The month before you just think "I still have plenty of time". You slink around putting off those "open when..." letters you have planned out, waste your time doing whatever. It's like you're almost totally avoiding thinking about it. Talking about deployment doesn't upset you quite yet.
The week before: the world is crumbling. You realize you have one million things to do. You still have to write those letters, you have to wash all of his uniforms so you can pack them in that giant green bag, but most importantly: you need to enjoy your time. But how can you while you're so stressed? The last few days fly by every time you blink. The mention of deployment makes your heart race and your eyes to water, but you're okay because you're prepared, right? You contemplate the million options to make sure he doesn't leave; running away, kidnapping, hey maybe if we break his leg he won't go right?
The day before, you were so incredibly wrong. You weren't prepared for this in any shape or fashion. You see a uniform shirt and cry, your husband looks at you as he always does and you cry. It doesn't matter where the water works will come if you aren't completely busy. All you want to do is just hug him for the next twenty four hours and never let go. But you can't, you still need to make sure you have all your ducks in a row.
The day of is one of the hardest days you could ever imagine. You wake up and brush your teeth, but something is different. A sad painful feeling is behind everything you do. You try to keep it together but you can't. You know you're going to have to say goodbye. You do everything slowly hoping it will result in more time, but you know what's coming soon. Whether he's dropping you off at the airport, or you're dropping him off you see him walk away. It's like seeing you're whole life just walk right down those stairs. All that goes through your mind is if he will be safe, all the things you will miss with him over the next year, and you're already wondering when you will hear from him again. You aren't able to focus on anything other than "he is gone".
After he leaves, you get endless texts and calls of support from your family and friends. You feel so much love and hurt all at the same time. All that you can think about is how will you go on? You're day isn't going to start with a good morning and a kiss, but rather a empty bed. Each day will be a challenge to go without missing him, but it is one day closer to his return.
I wish I could give you the secret to a tear and pain free goodbye, but I'd have to teach myself first. It is hard no matter if it's for a week or a year. Give yourself time to be upset. But pick yourself up, because it will be okay. Be busy always. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself happy and moving forward everyday. As Winnie the Pooh says "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." Your other half will be back before you know it, you CAN do this.
