Everyone tells you it’s going to be okay, they are going to be home soon. Meanwhile, the babysitter is saying the same thing to the hysterical 5-year-old because mommy and daddy went out for the night. And you know they are right, it will probably be okay and…well, no one has really given you a time frame.
Everything is true. But, for the life of me, I cannot stop worrying. And well, damn, long distance is hard and plays with the heart strings. I see these other girls upset, and I don’t like to compare, but your boyfriend traveling abroad in the luxury of Europe is not the same. So, please, we do not want to hear it - and please don’t take that offensively.
You see, I am also not trying to get sympathy because sympathy only makes us feel more different to the everyday “normal” relationship. I don’t really know what I’m asking for here. So, I’m just going to try to help you understand.
“I’m sorry but I don’t understand.”
You know, after not seeing someone for months, it is nerve-wracking as hell to see them after all that time. You have butterflies, you feel awkward and nervous. Why would you feel awkward about seeing your boyfriend? You still love him, don’t you? Do you think I would be torturing myself like this if I didn’t still love him? Really? It’s a good nervous and a good awkward. It’s like catching up with that friend you haven’t seen since high school and not knowing if they changed.
And you know, all of you reading this probably just got all bent out of shape about me saying it's torture and are probably thinking I just offended him. This is torture for him and for me. He already knows. Believe me, he knows.
“Do you think the military changed him?”
Every experience changes any person, no matter how big or how small. I am a hair stylist, but when I started school I wore my hair in a ponytail and only wore mascara. Two years later and I do my hair every day and wear almost a full face of makeup. Change is normal, and I’d be more scared if the experience didn’t change him.
The only difference is that change is thrown at our faces at full speed. People change slowly over time but with the lack of seeing each other often, we see is it all at once. Accept the person for who they are becoming. We don’t get to “grow up together” we just take the new things we find in them each time and keep learning. He is still the person I fell in love with. It’s like cake, they always come home with a new layer. It can only make them yummier!
“When are you getting married? You know he makes more money if you’re married.”
Fine, yes, military culture marries young, I can admit that. Respect the intimacy of marriage and leave it to the couple to decide. Just because I am in a relationship with someone who is in the military, it doesn’t make marriage any less scary than it is to anyone else. I will also admit that most military girlfriends secretly wish they were married, but you shouldn't obligate us to an explanation for why we aren't. That is my complicated business, I don’t owe you an answer.
“He makes more money if you two are married” - since when is marriage decided on how it could help your financial status? Think about how offensive this is. We should get married because we are undoubtedly in love, not because it helps someone’s paycheck. We work so hard as a couple - don’t demote me to an increase on a paycheck.
“I couldn’t go through what you go through.”
I honestly wouldn’t want anyone to go through what we go through. It’s hard and I’ll be the first to admit that. It takes two strong hearts to reach each other. I am blessed to be with the man I am with and I wouldn’t change a single thing. If you love someone enough, you will go through anything for them. I promise.
Being a military girlfriend is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It has molded me into a strong, independent person, even though I am not alone. I applaud anyone who is on this journey with me. I also applaud your men. To strong hearts and love. We got this, I promise.
