Okay, truth: I wasn't born in Milf-town, but when I moved there when I was eight, I was quickly integrated into the do’s and dont’s of the town, the tradition, and the everyone-knows-your-name crowd. It took a while to figure out, but from watching my friends and I grow up, I think I’ve gained enough experience to comment on what happens here.

1. Football Games

Win, lose, you went to the football games anyway. You were bound to find someone you hate, the person you’re in love with, and a whole bunch of upper and underclassmen you’re *kinda* fake friends with. Good times, good times.

2. We’re Big Into Athletics

We may not win in every category, but in certain sports *softball and cheerleading* we are dominant as hell. We do our best to at least make the playoffs in our sports, and differences aside, when it’s game time, it’s god damn, game time. If there’s one current theme I have when I say I’m from Milford, I get, “Oh yeah, we played you in ___”. At least they remember us.

3. Portuguese Picnic

Hint: you didn’t need to be Portuguese to go to this picnic, reserved for celebrating the culture but instead is used to see who “glo-d up” or whatever. It is bigger than Christmas some say, and your outfit is pre-planned months in advance. You basically stand in circles cradling your alcohol while you try to get someone with a wrist band to get you a beer. There’s also the tremendous port-a-potty lines that you always forget about after you’ve pre-gamed with straight vodka. To experience this, you actually have to make it past the pregame. 5/10 Milford-ians will not accomplish this feat.

4. Quarries

Honesty hour: It took me a really long time to go to the quarries, mostly because I was afraid of pot smokers (ha ha, wow the naive, young me is so cute), and the fact that my mom kept saying I was going to die by jumping on a car. Truth be told, it is dangerous, but it’s an iconic spot if you’re from Milford. And taking the jump off into the quarries? So much damn fun. 10/10 recommend.

5. Your Name Means Everything

I grew up nameless, anonymous, a new kid. Quickly, I figured out that the town had staple names that held positions in the local government, and most importantly, all school systems. If you had siblings with this iconic name, guaranteed the teacher had one or more of your family members in their class. This could cause some tension in certain areas like reputations and privileges, but honestly, it never bothered me coming from a small town. Where I was born, everyone knew my name too; I understood the pros and cons.

6. Carla Tuttle

Uh, you don’t need to know Carla personally to know she is the best person ever. Because food, duh. She’s the Director of Food Services for the Milford Public Schools and you can often see her at Oliva’s. She’s basically the Mother Teresa of Milford.

7. Oliva’s

No, not Olivia’s, Oliva’s, the only place to cater your food for graduation, it’s a household name for any Milfordian. Even in school, at UMass, club sports formals use Oliva’s catering. That’s right, out here in the middle of nowhere — Oliva’s is and will always be going strong.

8. Honey Dew

Okay, so there are like five Dunkins in town, true, but have you ever been to the Honey Dew right down the street from the high school??? No??? Then you clearly have never lived here. We live on the Dew, okay. Not to mention, a bunch of Milford kids are employed there so you’re bound to see your friend (leave them a nice tip, they work hard and deserve it, plus their bagels cost the same as Dunkin and are 10x bigger)

9. We Adopted Coffee Bean

I have never seen a high school kid more motivated to get coffee then Milford kids. Even though Coffee Bean is all the way in Upton, you’re probably going to see tons of people from Milford there. It’s pretty popular in general, but if I had to adopt a national coffee for our town, it’d be Bean. (Also, coming home from college to this sweet deliciousness is probably the best thing to ever happen to me).

10. DQ

There’s only one DQ, but just like Honey Dew, it’s right down the road from the high school, and I have never seen more Milford people than when I’m at DQ, especially since most high school kids work there. S/O to the sick crew at DQ for always chatting with me when I’m awkwardly waiting for my salted caramel blizzard. Y’all are the real heroes.

11. Target

Guaranteed way to see someone you know: Target. Literally anyone. Teacher, friend, enemy, parent, anyone. I have never wanted to not be at a store more when I’m stocking up for college essentials.

12. School Spirit

Back in my day, school spirit was huge. That meant that pep rallies were met with insane Senior pranks on freshmen, and the freshmen shirts were always the worst color. My year? Mustard yellow with a red and black outline of the words freshman :)) They’ve since cracked down on a lot of school policies (I’ve even heard of elusive cell phone lockers, ooooo good one?), but I still hope the kids carry on this spirit because it was definitely a lot of fun.

13. You Had That Favorite Teacher

There were numerous favorite teachers in the school who would vouch for your innocence, let your tardiness slide by, and give you little *boosts* in your grade, we all know that one teacher we loved, at every grade level. (Mine was Bachey before he moved, but close call with Mme B, both had their exceptional qualities).

14. Middle School East

RIP Middle School East, that was a weird year, just one grade, one school, and at the most awkward time in puberty. Middle School East currently houses 0 students at the joy of most of the former teachers employed at said school who loathed us kids. Does anyone remember the rap-offs in the foreign language departments and the eighth grade semi-formal? Yeah, me neither. The three options left for this school?: Keep it and renovate for school or town offices; sell it to a company for use as a medical building; or sell it for commercial office space.

15. Being a Senior at MHS

Bittersweet really, the last year of our concrete prison. I won’t forget the parking lot, senior skip day, or the time we were all kicked out by Banach (who looked ready to cry after we charged through the school, also was that the last time the charging was allowed to happen? Lmk). Honestly, being a senior and an athlete, your last game was always heart-wrenching and disheartening. There’s all the lasts — like the last time you see your homeroom, the last time you go to your House A or B, the last time you see your favorite teacher, the last Gym Swim (please no), the last time you have a Wookie, the last time you can frolic through the courtyard, the last time you walk across the catwalk, I could go on and on. (Also, does anyone remember the bomb fries we had before they were taken away???)

16. Milford Bike Trail

A popular destination for the few tourists we have, the Milford Bike Trail isn’t just for tourists, it’s for us too. And a lot of the time we walk on it to talk with our friends (and at odd hours too), talking, smoking, riding our skateboards and longboards and bikes and rollerblades. It feels like it goes on for ages.

17. Fino Field

Now home to a pool in the summer, Fino Field is a place of many uses, volleyball tournaments and soccer games are just some of the things that go on here. Other sorts of probably illegal things happen here too. Probably.

18. St. Mary’s Assumption Catholic Church

It really doesn’t matter if you’re religious or not — you probably heard of your friends going on retreats and the immense community within the church, especially since it’s next to MSE. They are extremely welcoming and always packed with cars on Sundays. I took a few CCD classes there and although I didn’t continue there, I knew it had nothing to do with the church itself. You most likely know someone who is part of the church there. No surprise there.

19. Pinz

Pinz has, weirdly, become a hot spot for Milfordians. The after-party for senior prom is held there and there are always hilarious hypnotic videos afterwards. At the after party, you can bowl and eat, make a whiteboard, and sleep there. Pinz also has a huge arcade, but it’s used less than it was in the past (or maybe I’m just growing up). Bowling is the more popular option along with the Blue Dog bar that’s located inside Pinz.

20. Depot Street Tavern

Once featured on Phantom Gourmet, Depot is always, always packed. You need to get there early or you’re in for it. If you haven’t tried Depot yet, get down there right away.

21. MacMed Spa

Girls, you know what I’m talking about. Tans before prom, eyebrow waxing, all the works here, and why? Because it’s a reliable, household name. MacMed literally looks like a castle around a bunch of peasants. That road is terrible to drive on though.

22. Dilla

Speaking of absolutely terrible roads. Dilla. If even one things go wrong, you are so screwed. Don’t even mention the EMC crowd to me either. I think I’ve spent at least a tenth of my life on Dilla. Seriously.

23. Best Buddies

For all of our faults, we have the best program for kids' with intellectual disabilities. Immediately, when you enter into the program, you feel like the kids teach you more than you teach them. It's something that sticks with you forever and it's why so many kids from the high school want to go on to be teachers. This is probably the shining part of MHS.

24. Johnny Jacks

This cute little diner has the Best. Staff. Ever. And their food is so cheap you could eat there without breaking a ten. They serve midnight breakfast too (um, hell yes). What more could you ask for???

25. Come Together

I don’t care if you loathe your neighbor or half the town. I have never seen a town rally like Milford under terrible and great circumstances. We come together, we show love, and we are there till the end for each other. You can be bitter and pessimistic about the motivation behind others’ outreach to events, but overall, the love is there. No one can talk shit about Milford except people from Milford.

And for bonus shits and giggles: Gravs. Really, do I need to explain?