Middle Man | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

Middle Man

A battle of "who I want to be" vs. "who I am".

51
Middle Man
my photo

As a twenty-year-old girl, it is safe to say that I have had my fair share of insecurities and self-worth issues brought to light over the span of my life. I am brought into the interrogation room over and over again, in hopes that maybe this time the light is shed on my faults that it won't hurt nearly as bad. However, that is not always the case.

I am constantly in this battle with myself of "who I want to be" versus "who I actually am".

Confidence in teenage girls and boys, unfortunately, is an endangered species. It's even becoming a social norm that we analyze and pick ourselves apart to the point where we don't feel good about ourselves, that we are not enough for ourselves. And if we are not enough for ourselves, how could we possibly be enough for the people around us?

Well, I set out on a mission to make this "not enough" nonexistent.

Unfortunately, my efforts to vanquish not being enough took a turn for the worst, and I got stuck with the other evil stepsister of this idea that a person can be "too much". Here's the thing: I have a lot of feelings, and often times, this isn't really seen as a fatal flaw, but it is something I am constantly struggling with due to the sheer fact that people in my life have told me I can be "too much" to handle because

I feel toomuch.

I am too sure of what I want.

I am swimming out into the deep end too quickly.

You see, I am certain of the things that I am looking for and the things that I need in order to reach my full potential as a person in the world and as a servant in the Kingdom of God. I have priorities that I am not willing to compromise because I know what God has called me to do. I am passionate about my calling and about the people who are going to be in my life as I do my best to fulfill that. So, if I feel a certain way about somebody or something, I'm going, to be honest about it. But here's the tricky part:

Sometimes, people are not always ready to hear how you feel. Sometimes, people don't want to know how you feel.Sometimes, people will tell you that what you're feeling is too much--that you are too much.

For a long time, I was constantly trying to find the balance between these two "evils" because maybe if I found a happy medium, I'd be the perfect amount of person for the people in my life.

NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE ALREADY THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF PERSON, AND IF PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU DIFFERENT, THOSE ARE NOT THE PEOPLE THAT YOU NEED TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE.

So, yeah I feel a lot.

So, yeah, I am sure of what I want.

So, yeah, I am ready to tread the water. I am ready to be who my maker created me to be.

He didn't create us in a box, so why should we keep putting ourselves there? We are simply enough, not because our friends tell us so, not because our family tells us so, not because our teachers or peers tell us so, but simply because God tells us so. The happy medium between these two ideas of image destruction isn't possible if we are trying to be something that we are not. The happy medium is understanding that God loved us enough THEN to make our personalities individualized and unique, and that he loves us enough NOW to be our middle man when we can't find the perfect balance.

"Do this because you are a people set apart as holy to God, your God. God, your God, chose you out of all the people on Earth for himself as a cherished, personal treasure." (Deuteronomy 7:6)

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
ross geller
YouTube

As college students, we are all familiar with the horror show that is course registration week. Whether you are an incoming freshman or selecting classes for your last semester, I am certain that you can relate to how traumatic this can be.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

Bonus points if it is more than two.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

12 Things I Learned my Freshmen Year of College

When your capability of "adulting" is put to the test

2827
friends

Whether you're commuting or dorming, your first year of college is a huge adjustment. The transition from living with parents to being on my own was an experience I couldn't have even imagined- both a good and a bad thing. Here's a personal archive of a few of the things I learned after going away for the first time.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

Economic Benefits of Higher Wages

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

301937
Illistrated image of people crowded with banners to support a cause
StableDiffusion

Raising the minimum wage to a livable wage would not only benefit workers and their families, it would also have positive impacts on the economy and society. Studies have shown that by increasing the minimum wage, poverty and inequality can be reduced by enabling workers to meet their basic needs and reducing income disparities.

I come from a low-income family. A family, like many others in the United States, which has lived paycheck to paycheck. My family and other families in my community have been trying to make ends meet by living on the minimum wage. We are proof that it doesn't work.

Keep Reading...Show less
blank paper
Allena Tapia

As an English Major in college, I have a lot of writing and especially creative writing pieces that I work on throughout the semester and sometimes, I'll find it hard to get the motivation to type a few pages and the thought process that goes behind it. These are eleven thoughts that I have as a writer while writing my stories.

Keep Reading...Show less
April Ludgate

Every college student knows and understands the struggle of forcing themselves to continue to care about school. Between the piles of homework, the hours of studying and the painfully long lectures, the desire to dropout is something that is constantly weighing on each and every one of us, but the glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel helps to keep us motivated. While we are somehow managing to stay enrolled and (semi) alert, that does not mean that our inner-demons aren't telling us otherwise, and who is better to explain inner-demons than the beloved April Ludgate herself? Because of her dark-spirit and lack of filter, April has successfully been able to describe the emotional roller-coaster that is college on at least 13 different occasions and here they are.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments