"What do you mean you don't know who J. Cole is? Have you been living under a rock?"
I froze. I knew everyone else in the room knew whoever this guy was, but I had never in my life heard his name. The closest thing I knew to a "J. Cole" was J. Crew, but I knew that was not what she meant. There was one of two things I could do at that moment. I could either pretend to know who he was, possibly being confronted with more questions on whatever it was he did, or I could laugh it off. Thankfully, I chose the latter.
The saddest part of the who encounter was that this was not a first. You know that cliché line from out-of-touch dads they always use in movies:
"I'm down with the kids."
Yeah, I am so not "down" with anything, and I am a kid (technically an adult, but let's be real.) If I was forced to identify myself with a particular demographic, you would find me among the middle-aged moms, gossiping about the "American Idol" results with a Diet Coke in my hand.
No, it's not sad. It's just who I am.
So what if I have no clue who that singer with the face tattoos is? I am perfectly content yelling at the couple on "House Hunters" who have the nerve to even consider purchasing the house with non-marble countertops. I know you are judging me, but I don't care. You try watching HGTV without making comments. Even better, you try watching HGTV without getting sucked in. Oh, you think you're strong enough to resist the appeal of unnaturally attractive couples flipping houses? Let me introduce you to a little gem called "Fixer Upper." Not even the strongest man on earth can resist the charm of Chip and Jo.
HGTV is not the only network I keep up with, though. Maybe you know about a little show called "Dancing With The Stars?" I watch it, and let me tell you, I have passionate opinions on everyone and everything taking part in that production. What, you may ask, do I watch when I have free time on a weekday at 7 o'clock? "Jeopardy!" And when that isn't on? Well, luckily there are re-runs of "Say Yes to the Dress" available every waking moment of every day.
The culture is not even the biggest indicator I belong with an older crowd. Over time, my ideal dinner time has become 5:30 p.m. It actually makes me annoyed when I have to eat later. Even worse, I could honestly eat earlier if I didn't feel the unbearable shame of having a full meal at 4 in the afternoon. And do you know what I do after dinner? I have a cup of hot tea or black decaf coffee (creamer is for the weak) and chit chat with my friends about their day. Yes, I used the term "chit-chat." I'm mentally forty-seven, remember?
As for my interaction with other college students, I think you can guess how it goes. When someone has music blasting through his or her earbuds, I give a side glare. When someone almost runs me over with a skateboard, I give a sassy "excuse you." When I see PDA, I roll my eyes. When they give me unsweet tea, instead of the sweet tea I asked for, I ask to speak to the manager. Okay, that last one was a lie, but my haircut would make you believe otherwise.
You may see us young adults with the "mom look" and think about how boring we are, but you need us more than you think. Remember that time you wanted gum and a girl dug through her purse until she pulled out five different flavors, as well as a random assortment of candy? I am that girl. You're welcome, by the way. My purse is roughly the size of a small golden retriever and holds more than Mary Poppins's carpetbag ever could. And gum is not the only thing I have in my bag. At almost all times, I also have a granola bar, lotion, chapstick, mascara, a minimum of five gift cards, sunglasses... and a partridge in a pear tree.
So, no, you will not catch me jammin' out to the top hits anytime soon. In fact, I will likely be off to the side, doing the sprinkler to an old Taylor Swift song. Judge all you want, but I am just as happy with my "out of fashion" playlist as I will ever be with whatever acronym rapper is popular this week. Oh, you are going to judge me anyway? Sorry, I can't hear you over the loud curtains in this couple's ranch-style home on "Property Brothers."
