Today, we are always expected to be thinking about our next step. Starting as early as junior year of high school, family friends were asking you where you were thinking about going to college. By senior year, they were asking you what you wanted to study in college. And by your first year of college, people are asking you what you want to do with the rest of your life. I'm twenty; I don't know what I want to eat for dinner tonight, much less know how I want to spend my post-graduate years.
I'm almost completely through my second year of college, and I am terrified of the idea of becoming a junior because that means the real world is becoming a harsh reality that I'm not ready to become a part of quite yet. I sit here halfway through my collegiate career, in what others may call the "Sophomore Slump," but I'm going to call it a mid-life crisis at age twenty. I call it a mid-life crisis at twenty because this year has been a year of doubts. I've doubted my major, my friendships, my involvement and even my college decision. I've wanted to switch my major but didn't know what I'd even switch it to. I don't actually intend to use my degree and am instead going to go a whole other route with my career, which my plans for post-grad could definitely change within the next thirty minutes. I've questioned my friends and have doubted who my true friends are and who are just seasonal friends. I've wanted to break plates to relieve my stress over my overcommitment with clubs and organizations this year. And lastly, I even applied to transfer to another school, thinking a change of schools would somehow solve all my problems. Some may say I'm suffering from the "Sophomore Slump," but this is a pretty deep slump if you ask me.
After finally admitting to myself that this was more than a "Sophomore Slump" and in fact was a mid-life crisis at age twenty, I decided that transferring wasn't the solution and that panicking about my life, about my major, my friends, where I invest my time and effort, was quite normal; honestly, I would be concerned if I wasn't asking myself tough questions. I'm twenty years old. I don't care who you are or if you're twenty or sixty, but no matter how much you tell yourself and the world that you have your life figured out, you don't, and that's okay. I'm certain that people think that I have my life figured out because people tell me that I seem so put together and on top of things at all times, but I guess I'm just good at faking it. I think a lot of people would agree with me when I say that I have no idea what I want to do when I graduate, why I'm majoring in what I'm majoring in or, what I'm going to have for dinner tomorrow night, but I'll figure it out eventually, right?
Even if I did have a plan and knew all the steps I wanted to take, I guarantee you something would happen to throw off my plan in some way, shape or form. If I've learned anything in life, it's that the only thing that is constant in our world is change. People will change, majors may change, passions and desire will change, and your plans will most certainly change. So yes, I seriously considered transferring, thought about changing my major and doubted who my true friends were, but I learned that it's okay that I don't have it figured out. Questioning myself, my friends and my life isn't a sign of a mid-life crisis or a slump or depression but a sign of growing. As long as I'm growing and changing and learning more about myself and how I want to leave my impact on this world, then having a mid-life crisis at age twenty is only a minor obstacle in a lifetime full of beautiful and life-changing uncertainty.
