8 Times Michael Cohen's Testimony Sounded Like A College Student's Twitter Feed | The Odyssey Online
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8 Times Michael Cohen's Testimony Sounded Like A College Student's Twitter Feed

I would say some of my professors were con-mans, and cheats.

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8 Times Michael Cohen's Testimony Sounded Like A College Student's Twitter Feed

Whether you love him or hate him, Michael Cohen has been put in the hot seat recently about dishonesty with Congress and the American people. He is now being questioned and was asked to tell the truth behind all the accusations through his years as a lawyer.

As I watched curiously the testimony of Michael Cohen, I thought to myself, where have I heard this before? Oh yeah, definitely on a college campus.

When you didn’t study for a test but thought you would definitely get a good grade — “I am ashamed of my own failings, and I publicly accepted responsibility for them…”

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Do not act so surprised. You know you went out or watched your Netflix show a little bit too long to actually be prepared for the exam. You probably got what? An hour in maybe?

When someone gets back with the boy they have said a million times that you were over and they finally claim — “I am ashamed of my weakness.”

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Stacey, we've talked about this. Frat boy Jake should not be your weakness. At least you are finally admitting it.

When the professor holds an exam a day before a break — “He is a conman. He is a cheat.”

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OK, really? You are going to keep us all here before spring break. What if people have plane tickets and condos booked already? Geesh. Time to go on ratemyprofessor…

When you have to tell your friends about another mistake last night — “I want to apologize to each of you… as a whole.”

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It's Sunday morning after a night out. You all go out to brunch and talk about your nights, which consists of Jessica texting a guy she should not have been while at the bar.

When you leave your friends at a party and have to explain the next day — “I have always tried to live a life of loyalty, friendship, generosity, and compassion…”

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BUT we know that none of us are perfect and we make mistakes. We were having fun until we spent half the night looking for you. Once you texted us back, we were able to enjoy the rest of our night.

When you have to tell your friends that you can’t go out tonight because you have to study for a test or have to work — “It is painful to admit that I was motivated by ambition at times.”

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And other times, not so much, huh? It really depends. Sometimes we have to accept the responsibility of ambition but we may experience FOMO. Maybe it's for the better?

When you join a club on campus — “You felt like you were involved in something greater than yourself."

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Whether it is a Greek life organization, Relay for Life, your university's program board, or whatever it may be. At one point you thought this to yourself when you were volunteering or throwing a proceeds night to raise money for an issue.

When your friend realizes that the boy she’s been telling you about is bad for her and you’ve told her a million times but she just admits— “Over time, I saw his true character revealed.”

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Sometimes it's hard to tell when you are all caught up in a relationship, or an almost-relationship. Eventually, you saw right through them. You realized that they were unworthy. We've all been there, Cohen.

He made mistakes and owns up to them (sometimes). During the testimony, there were certain phrases that I have heard around campus as well. Well played, Cohen.

For the whole transcription of the Testimony, you can find it here: Cohen Testimony

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