I never quite understood why sexual assault experiences were so hard to talk about, until it happened to me. I didn’t experience assault because of a clothing choice or alcohol intoxication, and I still don’t know why I experienced it.

At the time of my assault, I found the situation to be embarrassing. I went to a school where many rapes had occurred and prior to my arrival, several jokes had been made regarding the topic. People jokingly told me “not to get raped” and to “stay away from the football team.” At the time, I regrettably found these things funny as I thought that I wasn’t the type of girl that would get raped. I didn’t drink, didn’t party and would never ever be stupid enough to go home with a boy I didn’t know.

I was ignorant to the fact that rape doesn’t always occur after a drunken night at a club or by going home with a stranger met at a house party. There is no specific time of the day for rape, there is no type of girl or person that gets raped and there is no specific outfit that can instigate rape.

After my sexual assault incident occurred I confided in one school official. Shortly after I received calls from the Title IX office, but I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to report my incident or my attacker because I felt it wouldn’t help. I had no evidence, and I felt my school wouldn’t protect me. So, I ignored the phone calls and declined any help they could offer me out of fear that if I got help, they would take his side. He was an athlete after all, and it was his word against mine. With no proof and so much negative press, I figured I’d be crazy to think they’d allow another negative headline to be published.

I felt guilt after my experience. I felt like I could have done things differently, I felt like my parents would be disappointed in me, I felt like what I experienced wasn’t really that big of a deal and that I should let it go. Discussing the incident was hard, I kept quite because I didn’t want it to become a big deal. I wanted it to go away and I thought it would be best if only he and I knew.

What I failed to realize is that I did nothing wrong. I wore Nike shorts and a large t-shirt, I gave a boy who seemed nice my snapchat and after being followed and harassed by him I felt an obligation to help him write a paper. Even if I dressed promiscuously, got drunk and went home with a man I didn’t know, it still wouldn’t have been my fault.

These issues are hard to talk about because no one talks about them. Victims feel alone and embarrassed. Seeing the #MeToo movement showed me that so many women in my life have been affected by sexual harassment or assault. It has proven to me that it can happen to any person of any age, gender or race.

So where do we go from here? Firstly it’s important to know that assault is assault. No incident is too big or too small to be taken seriously. If you are a victim of any kind you should never feel that your emotions aren’t justified. Secondly, you are not required to share your story. You don’t owe anyone the nitty gritty details of your trauma. Some people cope by talking and others can find a way to make peace with their silence. Thirdly, never blame yourself. The victim is not the problem, the assailant is.

For anyone who has been a victim of sexual assault, whether you choose to openly discuss the incident or not, I hope that you find a way to make peace with your situation and with yourself.