Names have been changed to protect their identity.
There’s something heartbreaking about watching someone break down in tears when recalling their past.
There were two victims of sexual assault and rape that were willing to speak up. “This isn’t an easy thing for me to talk about. It’s easier than it was before but I still can’t sometimes,” Ashlee Ryan.
There was also a chance to talk to Susan Stahley, who oversees Rider University’s sexual assault prevention program.
It’s not every day that you get a chance to sit down and talk to those who are victims of abuse, especially sexual abuse. It’s a hard topic to talk about. It’s an even harder topic to remember.
When talking about assault tears are always present, not because the person is weak but because it’s a hard thing to have to remember.
In order to understand how common sexual assault on a college campus is, research had to be done. When brought up to the people interviewed they weren’t surprised by the statistics.
According to Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network, male college-aged students (18-24) are 78% more likely than non-students of the same age to be a victim of rape or sexual assault. This shows that females aren’t the only ones affected by rape and sexual assault. In fact, the following story comes from a male graduate student.
Tyler Harper* was a bright-eyed freshman who was away from home for the first time when he was 19. He was ready to experience new things and make new friends. What he wasn’t prepared for was being raped by someone he thought was his friend.
“I trusted her. She never gave me any reason not to. I didn’t say anything to anyone for a while because who was going to believe that a girl raped a boy? I never thought that it was something that could happen to me. I’m a boy. Boys aren’t supposed to be weak,” Tyler, now 24, recalled with a look of sadness on his face.
Being raped doesn't make you weak, admitting what happened doesn't make you weak. Tyler thought it did and he was ashamed of what had happened to him. He was ashamed to admit that he couldn’t fight off his rapist.
The entire time Tyler spoke he avoided eye contact. He was afraid that he would be judged for what he was admitting.
Tyler spoke about how Rider University helped him and how it changed his college career. He took a few minutes to answer fully but when he did you could see that he was relieved that Rider was there for him.
“The first person I went to was my friend, I knew she had dealt with being raped so I knew that she would be able to help. The first thing she did was tell me to go speak to Susan Stahley or Public Safety. But, she didn’t push me too and I’m thankful for that. She told me to take my time and if I need her too, she would go with me.”
From there he spoke about how helpful Susan had been and how happy he was that he went to talk to someone.
“It’s not every day you get the support from the school that you need. My attacker was banned from campus and I never had to see him again. Rider did what was right, even if it meant losing money from a student. My safety was more important to them.”
Following Tyler’s story, I spoke to 22-year-old Ashlee Ryan. Ashlee was 7-years-old when she was raped. It was something that followed her for her entire life.
“I always felt like it was this dirty secret that I had to hide. No one wants to be friends with a broken girl who was raped by their father for four years.”
According to RAINN, 82% of all victims under 18 are female. Ashlee fell into that group as well as the group where 80% of the perpetrators are parents.
When asked about how she feels now compared to when she was in high school she spoke words that left the room in silence.
“I thought I would never make it through it. I thought it would honestly kill me. It almost did. Multiple times. But, it obviously didn’t. I’m in my last year of college and he’s rotting behind bars.”
Like Tyler, Ashlee spoke to Susan about what happened to her. “She understood that it was still hard for me. Susan said something to me that stuck with me. She said, “The change in family dynamics and trauma is what makes it hard to deal with.” And she wasn’t wrong. I’ve had more time than others have but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.”
Susan Stahley, the director of Alcohol/Drug & Sexual Assault Prevention is hoping to focus on giving support to those who don’t get the support they need. Susan took over on January 12th, 2014 as the director. One thing she focused on when she got the job was outreach. “They weren’t used to outreach, they had no clue.”
Outreach on a college campus is there so students know that there’s someone they can go to on campus. It’s important for the victims who feel like they’re alone.
Susan didn’t speak as a victim but instead, as a person who works as a support for victims. She knows that it’s not easy to talk about or open up about.
She offers the support that victims don’t always get. “For the victims, I do preventive work, I do how to be supportive work, as well as if they need to chat.” She is also what they call a responsible employee which means that she must report it if someone comes to her and tells her they’ve been assaulted.
“I’m still standing,” Ashlee said with tears in her eyes, “I’m still standing and I’m not going anywhere. I want to be the voice for those that don’t have one. I want to be able to do what Susan and the University does when something like this happens to their students. I want people to know they’re not alone.”
Before Tyler walked out of the door at the end of the interview he turned and said, “Rider is really good when it comes to dealing with cases of sexual assault and rape. I just wish more people knew that they didn’t have to be afraid of speaking up.”
Rider University has a plethora of resources for victims of sexual assault and abuse. Ashlee and Tyler are proof of that. It’s important to remember you’re not alone.
