I guess we never forget our first loves. You where the wolf in sheep's clothing that everyone warned me about. I was so attracted to the outer appearance, and your words, all the things you said that you loved about me where the same exact reason I was taught when I was younger to hate about myself. See what people don't realize is that same kid that was bullied still grows up to become an adult. That same kid that you bullied from middle school has feelings and a memory that is priceless. The times that I was ever harassed, bullied, or talked about, for some reason those seemed to stick with me into high school. Me thinking that I was fat, unattractive, and would never be loved. The countless number of times that I would come home from school and cry to my mother and father about what someone had said about me. Those haunting memories that leave me to fear about having my own children. You changed that in me, you were my first love. I remember my mother telling me that constantly, "you're not in love Amanda" and I would always think to myself, she doesn't even really know how I feel about him. My dad always told me if you really want to find out who someone is just spend enough time around them and they will reveal themselves to you, and surely you did. In the early months, I didn't see it then as well I can now, but if anyone is ever trying to change who you are just to fit the criteria of who they want you to be, you don't need that person in your life. I had started to change myself into someone that I wanted him to like better and to find more attractive to him just to get his attention. After trying to change me came the mental abuse and harassment. I guess the part of me that still questions to this day is why continue to stay with someone like this, and my reasoning is because he was the first person outside of my family that made me feel like I was someone special. Then came the day that he stole a piece of me that could never be replaced or simply put back. My innocence was gone and shortly after so was he...
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Lifestyle
If You're A Christmas Addict Like Me, You Can't Stop Doing These 8 Things
We are well aware that it's not even Thanksgiving yet.
18h
1723
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
'Tis the season to be jolly folks, and if you're anything like me, then at the stroke of midnight on Halloween your home went from wicked to winter
1. Decking the halls AKA decorating before Thanksgiving.
First things first, THE TREE IS UP. Or at least you're clearing up a spot in your living room, bed room or where ever to make room for your Xmas tree. I mean its the first day of the Christmas season and you have to start it right. But ya know, if you're being a grinch and waiting 'till after Thanksgiving to put up a tree, then in the very least your lights are up and all of your pillows are festive.
2. Playing Christmas music all day long.Â
The one time of year where Michael Bublé comes out from under a rock is when you truly come alive. Your Spotify playlist is loaded with a mixture of the classics with Sinatra singing I'll be home for Christmas to Grandma got run over by a reindeer. You've got to appeal to the masses here. Either way, whichever songs you have on your list, you've got that jolly jingle on BLAST and no one can stop you from bringing the musical holiday cheer where ever you go.
3. Christmas movie marathons.
Honestly, did you ever stop watching Christmas movies from last year? I mean yes we know we have seen each and every Christmas movie about a hundred times but guess what, we're still not sick of them. Elf, anyone?
4. Getting offended when someone hates Christmas.
First of all, no one asked you to be Scrooge this year. If you're getting your tinsel in a tangle from all of my Christmas cheer than you can go FA LA LA yourself in the corner. As for the rest of us who have never had coal in our stockings, we'll be over here having a jolly good time. *Cranks up Jingle Bells*
5. Drinking holiday themed drinks.
Basically, you now live at Starbucks have a collection of red cups from 2005 and are running off of Eggnog lattes with a hint of peppermint.
6. Buying ugly Christmas sweaters.Â
Yes, we know you have a plethora of chunky ugly Christmas knits, but have you seen this new one target put out for this year? I mean whats one more sweater to keep you warm during this chilly time of year. Definitely a need for this holiday season.
7. Using every chance to talk about Christmas.
Pretty much, anyone who has spoken to you since the beginning of October, or when the temperature dropped into the 60's, your mindset has been on straight Christmas mode. By the end of the year, you'll probably have said "Christmas" over a million times. A major bonus for yourself is anytime you can throw in "Bah humbug," or "Sweet Christmas."
8. Baking Christmas cookies.
Cookies here cookies there, cookies are everywhere and you cannot stop. People swear you own a bakery, and you love it.
Merry Christmas to my Christmas lovers out there! Remember, it's never too early to spread good cheer, no matter what those little grinches say. Keep being the jolly to my holly!
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Project Eve
Mistakes are something we all make, no matter how old we get. Most of the time, the mistakes we made are little and sometimes due to something out of our control. Yet, there are mistakes that are bigger than others. Personally, I have mistakes that I wish I could go back and undo. Here they are:
1. Not seeking help.
There are times where we as individuals need to go to someone, professional or not, and ask for a little help. Sometimes all we need is someone to talk to and bounce off all the thoughts that are racing in our heads. Over time, not talking to someone about the emotions I was experiencing, lead me to have an emotional and mental breakdown. Yet, the worst thing for me was that I was in public. It was the first month or two of my first year away at college, I didn't have many friends and well, that didn't matter. Not because I didn't want friends. but because I was too stubborn at the time to reach out to anyone, friends or not.Since then I have learned that it is ok to talk to a professional or even a friend. It's okay to need somebody.
2. Put my happiness in someone's hands.
No one should be in control of your happiness but yourself. Once you put that in someone else's hands, you are pretty much guaranteed to be unhappy. Why, you ask? Well, people can be mean, and well, they tend to put themselves first. Another reason is that they have their own happiness to control as well.Lastly, it is YOUR happiness! Only YOU know what does and doesn't make you happy and you're the only one who fully understands your emotions. Save yourself the pain and focus on figuring out your happiness on your own. It may take a while but it will be worth it.
3. Declaring a major BEFORE going to college.
Declaring a major before actually stepping foot in a college classroom was one of the worst decisions I made. I was only seventeen at the time of applying to colleges, and there was (and still is) so much for me to learn. The major I currently have, I didn't even know I would be interested in! Of course I know that many people change their majors and that is okay, but having a major I wasn't 10000% in love with at the beginning of college meant that I had to take classes I didn't love, and as a result I didn't do my best. My GPA suffed as a result. Luckily those classes also counted as general requirements so no time was wasted, but I wish I entered undeclared.
4. Trusting everyone.
I've learned that trust has to be something that others earn from you and vice versa. Giving out trust to just anyone, purely because you want them to like you and befriend you, is a terrible mistake. Often times those individuals who are given someones trust instantly, abuse it. At least, that is what always happened to me until I learned to not just trust anybody and everybody. Before trusting someone, make sure you get to know them first and earn their trust as you let them earn yours.
5. Being on Tinder.
If you're not looking for an instant hookup then get off of tinder. In my experience it is full of guys who want to claim to want to have sex with you but as soon as you politely decline for any reason, they go and tear you down emotionally. Save yourself the trouble and meet people in person.
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Student Life
5 Things To Do That Are Better Than Writing A Paper
Don't waste your time trying to write that paper when there are so many more interesting things you could be doing.
04 December
12048
Unsplash
Writing a paper is never fun and is rarely rewarding. The writer's block, the page requirement, be specific, but don’t summarize, make sure you fixed any grammatical errors, did you even use spellcheck? and analyze, analyze, analyze.
Papers can be a major pain. They take up so much time and effort that by the end of the process you hate yourself and you hate the professor for making life so difficult. Questions of your existence start roaming in your mind. Am I even cut out for college if I can’t write a single paper? Am I even capable of taking care of myself if I lack the energy to open my laptop and start typing?
Why put yourself in this horrible pit of doubt? Here are five things that are better than writing a paper.
1. Meditate
What’s better than sitting in a criss-cross position, doing nothing? Not that paper! Meditate and focus on your breathing, relieve the stress in your life. That paper has a lot of negative energy and you, my friend, deserve nothing but the best.
2. Groom yourself
Enjoy a day at the spa or do your nails at home. Everyone loves a well-groomed person and thinking about that paper has made you forget about personal hygiene. Don't let yourself go for an inanimate object. Make sure you are doing well physically before giving your energy to other people or things.
3. Eat lots of chocolate
Chocolate makes the world go round, so have as much as your heart desires. Indulge in some luscious milk chocolate or even white chocolate, but if you dare say you love dark chocolate we will have a problem.
4. Go for a walk
Walk outside and enjoy the view! Walk your dog, cat or go out with another human. Enjoy your surroundings, take a whiff of that fresh air, get those muscles moving! Keep the mind sane while getting nice toned glutes!
5. Netflix and chill
Netflix is a drug. The best drug ever and the only thing that you should be doing in your life. If any of the other options don’t sound appealing, Netflix always sounds like a good time.
Now, of course, you will have to get that paper done sooner or later, but these five things will help you eventually get to that point. If you don't take care of yourself and make sure that you're are doing well first, how do you possibly think you could successfully get a paper done? Where you stand in your mental and physical state mirror how well you will do on any assignment. Give yourself a break, relax for a bit, and then get grinding on that essay.
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Relationships
10 Reasons Why Sisters Are The Best
Who could be a better friend than your own sister?
04 December
7291
Taylor Hooper
I can barely remember back when I was the only child. Most would say it’s because it is extremely difficult to remember things as a toddler but I would say it's because I was bored until my sister came along. My mother always says how important the "sister bond" is and with every year that passes I realize how right she is. Instead of writing a novel about all of the wonderful things there are about having a sister I decided to list a few of them instead.
1. She's your number one fan…and you're her's.
"L" for LOVE!
2. It feels like you guys can communicate telepathically at times with just a look.
....
3. Fights last for about two minutes because you find something funny and have to show them.
Hey come look at this video of a cat talking.
4. Concerts in your car are a regular thing.
VIP only.
5. You have an innumerable amount of inside jokes that are always funny.
If they don't seem funny its because you had to be there obviously.
6. When she gets clothes it's like you're getting new clothes too.
SHARING IS CARING.
7. She's seen you at your worst and doesn't judge you…but has taken pictures to remind you.
You look cute but do you know what's even better? This picture of you with frosted flakes in your hair, come look.
8. She always knows just what to say to cheer you up…or what food (or drink) to make you if words aren't working.
Mac and cheese and whatever bottle is open coming right up.
9. She's the first person to jump to your defense.
God Bless you and good luck if you've wronged either one of us.
10. You have a permanent best friend.
Because no one knows you and loves you like your sister...also you live together so its hard to escape.
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Twitter
It is the time of our lives that we are beginning to enter the adult world and most of us, if not all of us, have no idea what we are doing. It's like starting a video game, but skipping the tutorial. We're all just running around aimlessly hoping we accidentally do something right that moves us along the right path. Now that graduation has just happened, or is right around the corner for some of us, it's time to start thinking about how we are going to take care of ourselves once we are on our own.
1. Google is your best friend.
Google will probably answer any question that you have about anything, ever. Why does my foot hurt? What is a 401k? How long can someone survive off of chicken nuggets and wine? I am also willing to bet the answer to the meaning of life is on there somewhere.
2. Don't be afraid to say no!
Being out there in the real world, we are going to have many responsibilities and probably not a lot of free time. When you do have free time, and if you are like me, you aren't going to want to get out and do too much every time single time. It's OK to say no once in awhile. Besides, once you are on your own, you can't pretend your mom won't let you go out if you wanna stay in and relax.
3. Justify your actions/purchases.
If you are going to do something, especially something ridiculous, always make sure you can back it up with some form of logic. *Drops a few hundred dollars on "Supernatural" Convention tickets* They may never come back to town since the series is almost over! If you are going to make a big purchase though, make sure you aren't breaking yourself and have enough money to get you through. You can take risks, but be smart about it.
4. Call mom.
Much like Google, she has the answers to most of life's questions. How long should I microwave the chicken? Does it really matter if I separate the darks and the colors? She is always on your side, even if you are wrong, but she will tell you that you are wrong and help you fix the situation. She isn't going to be there forever, and she will appreciate the phone calls to know how you are doing. Trust me, life will be easier and you will understand a lot more if you talk to her.
5. Remember to do things that make you happy.
It is scary to think about the future. Usually people think that being an adult is wake up, work, eat, pay bills and sleep. Get out there and travel while you can. Continue to work on your happiness. Visit your friends and family. Continue to paint or play video games or set a night each week to completely unwind if those are what you are into. Adult life doesn't have to be a scary thought constantly looming over you. You will be just fine.
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