Anxiety, what is it anyway?

Anxiety, by definition, is the feeling of unease regarding an event with an uncertain outcome. However, to some, like me, anxiety means more than butterflies in their stomachs. Anxiety can be absolutely paralyzing.

Yeah. If that sounds like you, keep reading.

My mom always reminds me of how cautious and nervous I was as a child. I wouldn't go on roller coasters, I wouldn't step foot near an insect, and don't even mention leaving the house. I was attached to my mom's hip, and stayed that way for years to come.

When I turned eleven, my parents decided to send me off to sleep away camp- a common trend in New York suburban towns like mine. There was only one problem- my severe separation anxiety. I couldn't even imagine getting on the bus and leaving my parents behind. I'm the oldest sibling, so it's not like I had seen my sisters try and do this terrible task before. Although I ended up boarding the bus, I came home two weeks later because my anxiety was just too severe.

Anxiety has always been a large part of my life, especially when I was younger. I had a hard time going to sleepovers, going to school, and even going to sleep at night. Being without my parents for even a few hours terrified me, and I dreaded the day that I would have to leave for college. I literally had nightmares about it.

But what my mom always told me about anxiety, which is perfect advice if you struggle with this disorder as well, is that you have to push yourself.

My mom never let me hide from my problem. She sent me to sleepaway camp (only for three weeks) for four more years- which although once terrifying, got better over time. I then did an acting class away from home for a week. I took college classes and slept in a dorm for three weeks. And then, my summer going into senior year, I went to London for a month to intern at a magazine.

It was all about baby steps. And after I lived on my own for a month across the Atlantic, I changed.

No longer do I start hyperventilating before I have to leave home for a weekend. No longer do I have a constant worry that something bad is going to happen to my family or me. No longer do I have to text my mom every second that we're apart. No longer do I stay up at night fearing my move to college- in fact, I moved a flight away and love school.

Now don't get me wrong, I still struggle with this disorder, despite my growth. I still lose my breath when I'm in a state of anticipation, I still get sick to my stomach when facing the unknown, and I still overthink everything to a point of excessiveness. I will never be perfect, but none of us are in reality.

So, if you have anxiety, listen up. My advice: you must get out of the house. You must push your comfort zones. You must tell that little voice inside your head that keeps telling you you can't, you can. To get through what I went through took a lot of self-motivation- endless hours looking in the mirror and telling myself, "you can do this, you are the only thing in your way."

Don't let butterflies stop you from soaring, because you deserve to.