I recently went to a party. It was a decently large one, the kind where you kinda have to get to know the person next to you because most likely you're smashed together. The people were nice although the house wasn’t as much, but no one cared.
As I said, people talk at parties. Meet new faces, have interesting conversations. That particular festivity, I started chatting with a boy who had an interesting story and a friendly face. It’s nice finding someone at a party that will talk about something other than how “the beer is warm” or how the "beats are sick.”
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After about ten minutes, we wandered off to collect more of our friends and group together as one. Upon talking, loudly I might add to be heard above the music, I mentioned something about my boyfriend. Instantaneously, the gentleman I had just had a nice genuine conversation with, rapidly turned to me with an angry expression that made me think his eyebrows were going to go up in flames.
“So, you have a boyfriend?” He gritted his teeth, gnashing them like he was chewing through a bag of marbles.
“Yeah…?” I smiled uncomfortably, confused by the sudden hostility.
“Oh. Sorry, then.” He snorted, and walked away with the stature of a toddler who had just been told, no, he can’t eat play dough for dessert. What an unfair travesty.
After standing there for a minute, blinking at what had just happened, I tried to go back to the party. But I just couldn’t shake this feeling the entire night and finally brought it up when we were safely in our own space.
A guy friend scoffed and self righteously huffed,“That’s what happens when you lead a guy on.”
I didn’t know what to say. Scratch that- I didn’t want to say anything.
My question is, as a girl with a boyfriend, how should I act in public in order for me to be accepted? Well, I should have walked into that house with a large sign hanging around my neck reading: Caution-boyfriend, just so every male there would know it was pointless to talk to me because my pants were zipped and buckled tight. It would save them a lot of energy, knowing ahead of time I was a waste of a conversation. What could I have to say that would be important?
But no. If I waltzed around from body to body, holding a finger up before anyone spoke and informed them about my relationship status, I’d assume people would have a problem with that. Bitch. "Who says I was interested in you anyways?"
I know this first hand. At my old job, I asked a fellow guy employee if he could toss the rag over to me so I could clean the counter. He was about to do so, but gave me a serious look and said,
“Just to get this out of the way, I have a girlfriend.”
“Oh.” I replied. “Can I still have the rag?”
So obviously that approach didn't work for either gender, and I needed to try something different. I just wouldn’t talk to anyone. Keep my mouth shut and be a good girl, giving no signs of interest in any male besides the one who had labeled me “his”. This would allow me to do two things when approached by a guy. Blink blankly at his greeting or give a harsh snarl. Better yet, maybe I just don’t go to parties. I’ll stay home, because why bother, right? No… no I guess that wouldn’t work either.B*tch.
That night, I ordered a big pizza with all of my friends and then washed my face to get ready to crash. Wiping the running mascara from my cheeks, I wondered how I could win in the situation I’d been in that night. If talking to someone for a few minutes meant “leading them on”, I sure wouldn’t get very far in the world without breaking all the rules. I thought back to what was stressed to me in middle school.
“You’re too quiet. You need to talk to people or else everyone is going to think you’re weird.”
Taking a deep breath I looked into the mirror and rehearsed in my head.
Talk a little, but not too much. Act friendly, but don’t be too friendly. Make sure people know you have a boyfriend, but don’t talk about it. Make sure to reject any unwanted advances, but don’t be a bitch.
Point being, we could go over this a million times trying to point fingers and scream about sexism and equality. I’ve never been one to talk about feminism, because a lot of people define it differently and truth be told, sometimes it’s difficult to bring it up without everyone jumping down your throat. But that night, I felt horrible, because I realized a guy thought who I was as a person wasn’t worth beans. What I had to say was a waste of time, and every part of me that was human suddenly was irrelevant because I wouldn’t be sleeping with him that night.
Of course, not all guys are like this. I’m very aware. But I’m also aware that there is a large chunk that have this thought process, and I just wanted to say a simple little message that I suppose could have taken up much less than one page.
Beyond my boyfriend, I am a person too. Just like beyond your snobby attitude, you are as well. So stop what you’re doing, it hurts.
Thank you.
