All The Single Ladies

The term “single” has become a scary word for todays women. Even in middle school little girls are feeling the pressure to be in relationships. Those cute little 3-day flings that used to happen in 6^th grade are turning into 3-year relationships. Then, we end up with devastated 13-year-olds already experiencing their first real heart break. Little girls should be making life long friends and enjoying their families… not falling in love and having their hearts broken, but society is telling them otherwise. We are bombarded with the ideal that the goal of every girl and woman should be to find and be loved by a man. Single women can not be happy women.

Why We Stay

So when we finally do find a man to love us, even if it’s not ideal, can you blame us for staying? Studies show that what women are willing to put up with in relationships greatly outweighs what men are willing to put up with. For example, women are much more likely to stay with cheating men than men are to stay with cheating women. Women feel the pressure to stay because of the fear of being alone and the shame that might bring.

We can’t blame it all on society, though. Sometimes… we really are in love. There’s no way to explain why we would love someone who treats us poorly… but we do (or at least we think we do). We tell ourselves, “He’s a great guy aside from x, y, and z!” Or, “It could be worse… he might be lying or not making me a priority, but at least he’s not cheating!” We make ourselves believe that everything is okay. We make ourselves believe that we are happy because we want to be happy. We want him to be the one.

Why We Should Leave

In any relationship you should ask yourself 3 questions:

1) Are you happy?

2) Does the relationship help you grow as a person?

3) Does the relationship make you the best version of yourself?

If the answer to any of those questions is no, then you should leave. Always remember that the point of a relationship is to make you happy. If you aren’t happy at least 90% of the time, then what’s the point? I mean, couples fight of course… so it’s not going to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but the relationship should make you a generally happier person. It should allow you to grow into the woman you want to be. It should bring out the best you that you can be. If you find yourself turning into someone you don’t like: a jealous, “crazy,” untrusting person… then maybe you should think twice about what’s making you act that way. If you can’t trust the person you’re with, it might turn you into something you’re not. Is that who you want to be? Is this how you want to spend your life?

Why We Do Leave

The reason we do leave isn’t always the reason we should leave. Friends tell us we deserve better, family tells us to respect ourselves, we ourselves even know deep down that it isn’t right… yet we stay. Not one thing can make us leave. Not one article we read or comment from a friend or episode of Dr. Phil. The only time we leave is when WE are truly ready. That could take weeks or months or years of being treated poorly, every woman is different. This can be extremely frustrating for friends and family, but when we are in love, we can’t let go until we’re ready. And usually, that takes time. The first step is knowing you should leave… after that it’s finding the strength to do so.

Finding Happiness

Finding the strength to leave is the hardest thing a woman can do, but finding happiness after a heart break is a close second. What I wish all women knew and believed is that being single isn’t the end of the world. Young women SHOULD be single! This is the time to find yourself, find what makes you happy, and learn to love who you are. Once you’ve done all that then maybe you can think about finding someone to accompany you on your journey. But don’t make your life about finding a man. Life is much more than that and whatever is meant to happen will happen. You can’t choose what happens to you in life, life just happens. So try to enjoy it and try to enjoy yourself. Men come and go, but you’re stuck with you forever. Be a you that you love and that you’re proud of. Happiness will surely follow.

And always remember ladies…

He may be very dreamy, but he’s not the sun. You are.

–Christina Yang