From the moment I joined the Greek system, everyone started talking about Big/Little: who would be matched up with whom, if anyone would get twins, etc. All of the excitement put pressure on my scared and confused freshman brain: I couldn’t even put names to half of the sophomore’s faces at that point in time. My fellow pledge sisters would gush about their role models: “She and I are so much alike. I can’t imagine wanting anyone else as my Big.” Or, “She was the reason I joined the house. She chose me on Pref Day, so I think I’m going to be her Little.”

But I was stuck in the middle.

The wonderful young woman who made me want to join my house was a junior—and I didn’t feel like any of the sophomores completely matched my personality. I felt frustrated and started analyzing every conversation I had with the upperclassmen, waiting for something to click…but nothing ever did.

When it came time to write down my top five choices, I froze. While everyone else in the room was frantically scribbling, I stared blankly at those five empty lines. My heart didn’t feel set on any particular person, so I finally wrote down five people who I simply enjoyed being around the most.

On Big/Little Reveal Day, I wasn’t shocked to see that my Big was the sophomore I had roomed with throughout fall quarter. I smiled when she ran at me with arms open wide, yelling, “Surprise!” We took numerous stacker pictures and ate brunch with the whole family -- my Great-Great-GrandBig even came to meet me! As we sat and ate in the house, I noticed that the usually buzzing kitchen was strangely empty. I asked my family where everyone had gone and was told that most of the families were out eating, exploring, doing traditional family activities, etc. My Big and GrandBig took me out to Pike Place Market later that day, exploring the beautiful waterfront with coffees in hand; but I couldn’t help but think and wonder about what the other families were doing.

The next couple of weeks were filled with Instagram posts, Big/Little captions, and a sliver of jealousy on my part: the house that I had felt so welcomed into suddenly seemed split up. It felt wrong to be hanging out with friends who weren’t in my sorority while my sisters posted yet another stacker picture. I craved the perfect, best friend bond that my fellow pledge class had with their new Bigs.

As the year went on, however, I began to notice certain things -- I would hear someone talking about how they were getting annoyed with their Bigs or Littles; how they didn’t agree on certain things or how they were going crazy sharing a room together. It was then that I began to realize that just because these girls were posting flawless, happy pictures didn’t mean that they always got along. And while some Big/Little pairs in my house are the epitome of best friends, I finally saw that that wasn’t the case with everyone—and it didn’t have to be.

Getting my Big helped shape my first year in a sorority. Through her, I was given endless amounts of hugs, support, and belly-aching laughter; but that didn’t stop me from developing close relationships with other upperclassmen. As my freshman year came to a close, I reflected on all of the pressure I had put on myself to find my perfect match, when, in reality, I could’ve been paired with anyone and still been given an amazing amount of love and support.

My Big is not my best friend. However, I can say without a doubt in my mind that if I needed to vent to someone, did horribly on a midterm, or even just wanted to take Buzzfeed quizzes and eat an embarrassing amount of chocolate, she would be by my side in a heartbeat.

And that’s all that really matters to me.