Losing a family member is never easy. Some days are harder than others. Some days all you want to do is cry and wish they were here, others you wake up with the strength knowing you'll see them again one day. There's days when you'll find something that makes you think of them and the sadness of missing them hits you in the face so hard like a gust of bitter cold air. You'd do anything to see their face again, give them a warm hug and see that loving smile. The things you'd do to tell them 'I love you' one more time. Holidays makes this feeling of missing someone so much more painful. You see all the joy of Christmas and you can't help but wish they were still right there enjoying it too.

For myself, Christmas is the hardest time of the year without my grandmother. Christmas was her time of the year, she always put it all together and made everything perfect. My favorite memory of her will always be going to get the biggest Christmas tree we could find, bringing it home, and spending all night decorating it to the sound of a Johnny Mathis Christmas CD. Nothing will ever take away the happiness those moments brought me, and now I wish I would of cherished them a little more when she was here.

Holidays are always rough when you're missing someone so special from the laughter around the dinner table. When this person is gone it seems that nothing is quite right. You miss how their warms smile could light up the room, and how everyone just seemed happier when they were around. You can't help but wonder and wish how they're doing up there in heaven, and if they are proud of who you have become.

As Christmas comes around and I'm missing you more and more, I think of you in heaven on your favorite beach, listening to your Johnny Mathis CD. I hope that you're looking down on all of us and laughing at the craziness that is our family, and I hope that you're happy.

Merry Christmas in heaven, I hope its everything that is perfect and more.