May is Mental Health Awareness Month which is very important to bring attention to. In part one of my "Breaking The Stigma" series, I talked about personal stories and experiences with mental illnesses. This week, I am discussing things that you shouldn't say or do to someone with a mental illness. Choosing your words and actions wisely is very important when you're talking to someone who is struggling with a mental disorder.
1. Never say "calm down".
Firstly, how do you think this helps us? When someone is struggling with anxiety or depression, telling them to calm down is one of the worst things you could say. They are trying their best to get better, but it's usually is a lot harder for them. They obviously want to be calm and get better, but you telling them to do so isn't going to anything but upset them more.
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2. Don't make them feel like their problems are insignificant.
Usually, if someone with a mental disorder is struggling with something, it's a big deal for them. Be gentle with your words and let them know that you care about them and that you support them regardless. Having people who are always there for you regardless of your struggle is so meaningful. If someone with a mental disorder is struggling with something, don't brush it off; it clearly matters to them and is a hard thing to bring attention to or get help with.
3. Never say "everything is going to be fine".
This one may be a little confusing because it may seem like this is a reasonable thing to say to someone with suffering from a mental illness, however, it's actually the opposite. When someone is worried or nervous or anxious or stressed about something, it's a huge deal for them. At that moment, it's all they can think about and it sometimes feels like the end of the world. Don't say that things with be fine because it truly feels like the opposite, and that can make someone feel much worse.
4. Don't make them feel bad about themselves and/or their disorder.
A big part of mental disorders is low self esteem and confidence. It's nice every now and then to hear that someone values you and appreciates you. I'm not saying you should compliment them every second of the day, but a little appreciation can go a long way. Even if the only thing you do is send a text asking, "How are you today?", know that it can go a long way and will make them feel like someone truly cares. It means a lot that you are their friend because of who they are, and their disorder is a part of that.
5. Never say "I know how you feel".
This last one may also be surprising because it seems like this can help, however, it is not true. Yes, it's true that anyone can get nervous or feel down some days. Yes, everyone has bad days or struggles with things every now and then. But having bad days is not the same as clinical depression. Getting nervous for a job interview or a final exam is not the same as generalized anxiety disorder. Feeling insecure about your body is not the same as an eating disorder. Remembering something negative about your past and being upset about it is not the same as PTSD. We understand that everyone has those days when they are off their game, but mental disorders are very real, so please don't make it feel like we have no reason to be who we are.
For more information on mental illnesses go to: https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Cond...
If you or anyone you know is struggling, please take advantage of the following:
Mental Illness Hotline: 800-950-NAMI
Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863
Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433
Eating Disorder Association Hotline: 800-931-2237
National Mental Health Association Hotline: 800-273-8255
