People often see mental illnesses as trendy. The media portrays them in such a false way. We often see depression romanticized in books and movies. ADHD is often given to high strung and funny characters in movies. The "neat freak" in books is often suffering OCD. Anxiety isn't cute; anxiety isn't the shy girl who is afraid to read out-loud in class. Anxiety is someone who is afraid to speak in the real world, someone who hides behind others.

As a huge movie buff and a book nerd, I'm seeing mental illnesses portrayed in such bad ways. I live with some of those mental illnesses and they are in no way fun, cute, or romantic. Not being able to get out of bed somedays because I see no purpose is not an enjoyable experience. Not seeing a reason to be alive is in no way fun. Why is depression seen as a romantic thing? My depression pushes people away because I just want to be alone, I have zero motivation to even leave my room some days. Depression is having 22 text messages from your friends and family worried about you. Depression isn't going out and having a drink with friends, depression is drinking to take away the pain. Depression isn't going to the mall to pickup new clothing for a weekend away, depression is buying random things in hopes that the new items will bring happiness.

I am called a neat freak on a daily basis and I never saw this an insult until recently. Living with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) is not just being a neat freak. I obsess over a lot of things which often causes me to have sleepless nights. I wash my hands 22 times a day, on average. I am constantly going to my car to make sure that I locked it. In the middle of some daily tasks I get a huge urge to clean and I often clean so much that I forget to do my homework.

I hung out with a friend in her dorm the other day and her and I were having a good time talking and laughing until I realized how dirty her dorm was and I asked her if I could clean, and that's exactly what I did. Afterwards I felt horrible because I neglected my friend's presence to clean. I obsess over other things too and I hate it. If I don't say something properly or the way I wanted it to come out I will continue to say it or ask it until I get it right. When I called off my last relationship, I ended up breaking up with the person 13 times because I wanted the breakup to sound just right. I notice every little thing too, like when my mom swears, her left eye twitches and when my best friend laughs, her nose shrivels up. I notice the way that the person I'm talking to lights up when they see me. I notice it all and sometimes I wish I didn't.

"Dude you're bat shit crazy lately, calm down." Someone who I once called a friend said this to me, and it was hurtful. I did not ask to be diagnosed with ADHD, I mean who would ask for it? I am not failing my classes, but I am struggling because focusing on my work is difficult. Focusing in class is difficult; I'll be listening to the professor and the next minute I'll be counting the ceiling tiles because my OCD wants to make sure that there are an even amount of tiles.

Mental illnesses are no joke and I am frustrated with people using them in the media and portaying them the wrong way. Living with a mental illness isn't fun and it sure as heck isn't something that people ask for. The stigma needs to be ended.