I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety in my junior year of high school and immediately went to a lot of therapy. I was taught coping mechanisms from the get-go, and the most important to me was my art.
I've been writing stories seriously since the sixth grade, and anyone who knows me knows that my art is a huge part of who I am. I see myself first as a person, and then as a writer. I've been working toward my dream of being published since I was still in elementary school, constantly pushing myself toward finishing ideas and bettering my craft.
I've developed my voice and found what interests me most, as well as learning from books and authors that I love how to create stories that are more realistic, stories that people would want to read instead of just spilling words onto a page.
Throwing myself into my writing helped me a lot because it gave me a distraction from some of the more ridiculous thoughts that anxiety placed in my head. Any of you out there with anxiety, you know what I mean. For those of you lucky enough to not know what I'm talking about, here's an idea of the thoughts I have on a daily basis:
"you put your debit card back in your wallet as soon as you paid for your meal". "But what if you didn't put it back?" "You did put it back, but what if you didn't?" "Check. Check. Check!"
What's been really hard for me, however, is writing with depression.
I got diagnosed with depression this past July, at an appointment right after an amazing trip to the beach with two of my closest friends. We had an amazing time, and I felt great. But in the car, I could feel that happiness slipping away from me, being replaced by something darker. I sat in that therapy session and cried my eyes out, and it was then that I admitted something I had been denying for years: I was depressed.
Since my diagnosis, I've been going to therapy more frequently than I used to. I track my moods in a bullet journal.
What often terrifies me, though, is how my relationship with writing has changed since I was diagnosed. See, my mind never stops moving. I'm always overflowing with ideas, and a lot of the time this is great. I always keep spare notebooks around and scribble ideas wherever I can.
But I'm a full-time student and working part-time, so I don't really have as much time to write as I'd like. When I do have the time before I leave the house or after I get home, it's so hard for me to find the energy to write. I'm so tired, and it feels like too much effort to do anything. Lately, I've been falling asleep within the hour after I come home from work.
So what I'm telling you is that mental illness doesn't make you a better artist, even if that's what the media tells you. Some of the best artwork was made by artists in treatment. You don't need to suffer to be a good artist. Get help in whatever way you need it. People care about you and want you to get better, and both you and your art will both thank you.