I'd like to believe that growing up in the church has positively impacted my life. I have a strong faith in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and a pretty thorough understanding of the way they work together in my life. But somewhere along my road of life, I started having some mental health issues and began second-guessing my faith. Now, I know I'm not alone in this because every one in four Americans suffer from a mental health problem. And compared to the 83 percent of Americans who identify as Christians, those numbers have to overlap somewhere. But besides, the stigma that the global community places on mental illness, there was an even greater stigma thrown upon me through the church that nearly crushed me under its weight.

First of all, I'd like to talk about how mental illnesses are always seen as a lack of faith. Wrong. I am not sad or anxious or scared because I don't believe in God. I know full well of his power and capabilities, and I am constantly in awe of them. But I also have a chemical imbalance and years of bad habits that have put me in the place I am today. So while prayer and reflection does help me, simply saying to trust God and get over it is selfish and invalidating. You are making me feel weak and incapable and undeserving of the feelings I am feeling. And last time I checked, that wasn't a very Christian thing to do. God does not condemn you because you are depressed. He will not turn his back on you because you are battling an eating disorder. That is the beautiful thing about God — he loves you no matter what and will do everything He can to show you that love. Whether that’s through the love of others or bringing you to recovery. You were put on this earth to do something special and unique, and you won’t be left behind or forgotten along the way.

Another thing Christians need to understand is that while God can do amazing miracles, there is much more of a chance that recovery will be a process. It might be a series of therapy visits, different medication trials or just the process of forming new habits. Regardless, it is not going to be simple, and it most likely will not be easy. And if you decide to take medication, good for you. Medication does not work for everyone but if it benefits you and your situation, please take it. It is not a sign of you giving up. It is not a be all end all for your faith with the Lord. It just means that you are doing everything you can to get better. To be in the best possible condition for God to use your life to influence someone else's. I’ve gone through different medications and therapists and psychiatrists to finally find my own road to recovery. A road that looks different for everyone. Also, if and when you get a diagnosis, that is not the end. Let me repeat myself: That is not your end. Sure, there are stigmas attached with every disease and disorder, but you now know how to better take care of yourself. You know what warning signs to look for and how to better educate the ones you love around you.

One of the things I have learned through my journey with Christ and journey into recovery is that I am in the situation I am in for a reason. Yes, it sucks. Yes, sometimes it takes me an hour to get out of bed because my whole body aches with despair and feelings of worthlessness. Yes I have had panic attacks in a variety of places including in class, a NYC subway, a graduation party and Thanksgiving dinner with my

family. But I do know now that my brokenness and my hardships can be used to make someone whole. My experiences can be the words of encouragement to keep someone alive just one more day. And while I am still on the constant road to recovery and taking care of myself, I still know that God is good and that even in my weakest times, I am stronger with Him.