When a friend is suffering from a mental illness or in a mental health crisis, it can be taxing on you as a friend or family member, too. It is important to know how to approach the subject and to bring up your concerns and worries to the person in your life who is struggling. September is national suicide prevention month, so I'm sharing a reminder with some tips to better handle this situation, should it arise. Even if you don't have a friend who is currently struggling, it is completely possible that you may encounter someone in your future that needs your help, so keep these in mind!
1. Be direct and come prepared.
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Tell them that you are worried. Explain why; the symptoms they are showing and the research you did to understand what is happening to them. Tell them at you suggest they find professional help or support groups and show them some of the options you have found that may help them. Be prepared to be brushed off. Be prepared for anger or tears. Be prepared for the truth. If you don't think that you have the energy to devote to this, the emotional strength, or the proper tools and techniques, get someone else involved for backup. If you need a professional or a trusted peer with more experience, get one. Please understand that someone's mental health and the conversation surrounding it is extremely sensitive and fragile, so it needs to be handled very seriously.
2. Ask questions.
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What are they feeling? What helps them when they are distressed? What do they want to do about it? All of these are important to ask of your friend or family member when discussing their mental health. You need to get information from them to be better able to help them, and asking direct questions is important. You can also ask questions so that the person you're speaking to has to focus—it can be difficult for people dealing with so many thoughts and feelings to stay on track in a conversation. By turning it to them, they must stay present in the conversation.
3. Listen, and don't interrupt.
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People who are dealing with mental health struggles have so many dark thoughts swirling in their minds, and so much weight saddled on their shoulders. When someone is finally there to listen, it can be hard to stop sharing—it can be such a relief to finally share their thoughts and feelings with someone willing to listen. Also by interrupting, you can make the person you're talking to feel minimized, or that they aren't important to the conversation. With someone who is opening up to you regarding a mental health struggle, it is important to always make them feel supported, so just let them talk!
4. Remember that you may have to take charge of the situation.
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If your friend is in crisis or a threat to themselves or others, you are in charge now. You are going to have to alert someone, and maybe offer to drive them to a hospital or call a crisis line. If the person in crisis, it is now your responsibility to defuse the situation as best you can, and make sure your friend/family member is safe. You cannot leave that person until you know that they are in a rational head space and safe from harm—you need to be ready for that responsibility.
5. You will not be their savior.
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You will not be able to fix them. You cannot change negative thought patterns or their feelings. You can help and love and support, but you can't do it for them. Also, keep in mind that the person you are trying to reach may not appreciate or acknowledge your help at all. They may even resent you for bringing up these issues and pressing them about it. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong. And it doesn't mean that your friend is hateful or mean or unappreciative. They are looking at the world through a cloud of mental illness and distress and may not understand that you're trying to be a light in their life—their world may be too dark.
6. Support, not obsess.
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Check-in, follow up, support. But remember that you can't focus all of your attention and energy into one cause. Yes, this person is important to you and to the world, but if your friend is not in crisis and nothing can be done or changed in the immediate moment, you cannot worry, stress or obsess. You cannot let someone else's issues weigh you down as well. You should care about your friend and communicate frequently, but you cannot take their health and wellbeing solely into your hands.
Acknowledging a friend or family member's mental health issues and their need for help and attention is extremely important. But if you are going to approach them about it, you need to be fully prepared for what could follow. Understand the possibilities and be ready to help if necessary.
Until next week friends!
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